Each time I get discouraged, something lifts me up. A coworker just asked how my diet was going. She could tell I was doing well because she noticed my hips are getting smaller. That just made my day. :)

And the thought for the day is, "Americans have more food to eat then any other people and more diets to keep them from eating it." - unknown

Week 8

Today was my first weigh in day on a Thursday so that is why this week was so short.

I am feeling very BLAH about my diet right now. I found it hard to be motivated this week. I've struggled with the Easter candy that is laying around the house. I know Josh likes having sweets, so I don't want to get rid of it. But I also don't him to eat them all in 2 days because 1) That's not healthy and 2) then he would be out of sweets and complaining again. So I think I need to have him find a spot for the sweets that is where I can't see it.

I have had zero energy this week. Some days I have a sore throat, but that has been all, so I've decided its not a cold. Maybe its just irritated because the wind blows ALL.THE.TIME. We've gone to bed at a good time, like always, but I just couldn't get up in the mornings. I think I only exercised one morning this week. I made sure to exercise at night instead, but I don't know if it was as good a work out or not. I know Tuesday night wasn't, because I ate and then jumped on my bike and it unsettled my stomach. But at least I can say I haven't missed a day this week.

I continue to bounce around between 220 and 223. I HATE 223! Why can't I break away from it? If I eat a smoothie for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then cereal for dinner, I can loose the weight. But I can't live off of that diet plan for more then a few days. Once I break away from it, I'm right back up to 223.

I need to refocus and recommit to this diet. I have tons of reasons to loose this weight so I have no excuse.

Week 7

I've decided that 223 is my LEAST favorite number in the world. Anytime I drop below it, a few days later I'm back up to that. It has been like this for a few weeks now! I want to break away from this number and never see it again. Friday was my lowest point, 219.4, but then this morning, I was back up to 223. ARGH!

I did change my official weigh in day to Thursday. Besides this past Friday, Thursday is usually my best day. I'm hoping it will help motivate me. Its so hard to weigh in on Sunday and see I am in the same spot I was the Sunday before, and yet know that during the week, I had lower spots. I'm determined to hit at least 218 this week, because then i will have lost 20 pounds total so far.

Easter was okay, but also tough. Josh was amazing, he bought me a Wii fit plus and then instead of candy, he bought me sugar free pudding. I LOVE that man! But then his mom gave us a basket full of candy, which included some of my favorites! I tried to stay out of it, but kept finding myself picking at it.

I'm still doing really well on exercising. I think I've only missed a day or two this month. Josh goes back to work full time in a week. When he does, I might try to go back to exercising at night since dinner won't be cooked the second I walk in the door. I LOVE that he cooks dinner, but when its ready when I get home, we eat and then I don't exercise.

Surprisingly, the Metformin is treating me well. In one way its been good for me, because I'm determined to not miss a dose, which makes me remember to take my other pills too. I have taken every birth control pill for 2 weeks straight. I usually miss one or two a week. :p I've also not missed any of my spiro...... (long word) pills, so maybe if I keep it up and dont' miss them the week I don't take my bc, then I'll start to see results there.

I bought a new shirt this weekend. Its so hard to resist buying new clothes (its my weakness), so I only bought one shirt. I didn't try it on and I bought a size smaller. It fits, but now I'm wondering if I could have gone with a size smaller.

Since my new weigh in day is now Thursday (instead of Sunday) I'm not sure when I'll blog about my week. Monday seems to work for me, but I might have to start doing in on Friday while the week is still fresh on my mind.

I'm strongly considering changing my weigh in day to Thursday instead of Sunday. Thursday seems to be my very best day during the week, it shows that I have worked hared during the week days to stay on track. I weigh myself every morning and night (and often each time I pass the scale, I've become obsessed), but Thursday morning (and sometimes Friday morning) is when I'm the lowest. Then during the weekend I inch ever so slightly up. Come Sunday when I do my official weigh in on Weight Watchers, I may be lower then I was a week or two ago, but slightly higher then I was on Thursday. Which is probably one of the reasons I do so good during the week.

Yesterday I wore a pair of pants I haven't worn in a long time and they were comfortable. YAY! I was worried I didn't do well yesterday, but I'm down a few more tenths of a pound, so maybe I need to have more faith in myself. I didn't eat lunch until late (almost 3:00). I considered just skipping, but decided that was unwise. I'm trying to believe that it is better to eat small meals often, rather then skip and think that no calories is better. I know its a good idea, just hard for me to put into practice. Then for dinner I pigged out, but it was a light pizza instead of a regular pizza. That I can still eat pizza and loose weight is a big deal to me.

This morning I was a little worried because of the pizza and the candy bar that followed it. But I'm down to 219.4! Half a pound and I can say I've lost 20 pounds! That has me recommitted to eat good while at the family dinner tonight. We're meeting Dallon's girlfriend and I'm cooking dinner. Of course I'm cooking to impress, but that doesn't mean low calorie. Just a regular meal and a rich chocolate dessert. But because I'm so close, I'll be sure to exercise today, and every day this weekend, and eat a small portion. I'll try to eat slowly and enjoy every bite.

Week 6

This week went better. If I eat a smoothie in the morning and a salad for lunch and then have a light dinner, when I weigh the next morning I am down. At one point I hit 221. But I STARVE on that meal plan and once I eat a decent meal, I'm back up to 223. My goal is to hit 219 before my next weigh in so I can say I've lost 20 pounds.

I do well during the week, but I still struggle on the weekend. I know I'm not hungry, but I still get peckish all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I've got to figure something out to over come this. I ignore the peckish moments, but then when we eat lunch or dinner, I over eat. I think I need to keep myself busy, but its the weekend, my time to relax. But I'm determined to hit 219 so I'll stay strong this weekend!

On Friday, Josh and I ended up in the city, so we went to Chili's for lunch. I find it sad that there menu only has a few healthy items marked, and none of them were in the salad section. I tried a chicken dish and it was really good. I made sure to only eat half and then box up the rest for later. Poor Josh, he wanted to try a dessert, but I told him no. Its easier to tell him no before dessert then to tell myself no after the dessert is in front of me. It was hard enough not eating his fries (I only had 3 of those, wow I miss french fries).

Have you ever seen the commercial with a husband and wife. The wife talks about how they gained weight and decided to diet. It then shows the husband thinning out and the wife, well the only weight she looses is her boobs get smaller. Yep, that's true. Earlier this winter, I feel in love with a dress at the Dress Barn. I tried it on, and it swished my boobs, a lot. So I tried on a size larger hoping it would fit. It was still tight. So I didn't buy the dress. But then a few weeks later, I was in the Dress Barn again and decided to buy the dress. My reasoning was that church is only a few hours and I would survive.

I wore that dress for an interview last week. Not only does it fit, but it is quite loose. No wonder my belly and butt don't feel smaller, I'm loosing it all in my bust. I'm been quite disheartened by this. Hopefully they are done shrinking and now my belly will start shrinking.

I'm doing much better at exercise. I get on my exercise bike almost every day. I'm still getting up at 4 am most work days. Just yesterday, I decided to sleep in. When I got home, I told myself to exercise, but instead I sat down on the couch and didn't move until bedtime. So it defiantly works best for me to get up early.

I've become slack on using Weight Watchers Website. Half the time it won't save my info and I get mad. But I still eat small portions, so I think I'm okay.

I finally got back down to the weight I was a week ago. For some reason, I thought my low had been 224, so I thought that meant I had only gained a pound. But I got looking and there was one day that I weighed 223, so its like I gained 2 pounds. Grrr. So now I'm down 2 pounds, but can't celebrate because I'm too busy being mad over the fact that I lost those 2 pounds before.

Oh well, I knew there would be set backs. I'll just learn to be better. So far this week, all I've had for lunch is a salad. And by salad, I mean lettuce, carrots and sprouts. And not even the good sprouts, apparently only one store in town carries them. At least I don't like salad dressing, so I don't feel like I'm missing out there.

Last night we had Chicken Parmigiana Sandwiches for dinner. They are still my favorite thing we've made since I started my diet. :) I had one sandwich, and really wanted another one. But then I decided to have an ice cream bar instead. I bought a box of Weight Watchers and a box of Skinny Cow ice cream and they are both pretty good. Josh wanted to taste my chocolate one last night. I was enjoying every.single.bite, so I told him he could only have a slick, not a big bite. He said it tasted like real chocolate. And he's right, I can't even tell its diet ice cream. I also like just having a bar of ice cream, I think if I were to dish it up on my own, I would over do it.

Still exercising at 4:00 in the morning. I seem to do really well the first of the week, but by Wednesday I am drained. It was hard to get up this morning! But I reminded myself I have scrapbook group tonight,  so I wouldn't be home until late and probably not get any exercise in. So up I got. The last two days, I did treat myself to a diet soda pop, but not until the afternoon. Today, I had one opened before 8:00.

My next mini goal is 215, but I'll just be happy to get under 220 after struggling for the last week. You eat an elephant one bite at a time and loose weight one pound at a time. I can do this!

I'm seriously thinking about hanging one of my prom dresses where I can always see it, just to remind me I want to be skinny again. But that's probably a little over board. Maybe I'll just print out some pictures and hang those around the house instead.

Week 5

Can I just say BLAH to the entire week? I'm up a pound which explains my horrid week.

It really is all my fault, I let my emotions get out of control which let my eating get out of control.

Tuesday was a downer of a day for me and I ended up eating out. I had onion rings, chicken strips and a shake. The next morning I was mad at myself. So I'll work on that.

This weekend I went to the city. I think I did okay, but I know I could do better. It was so hard to not have Alfredo at the Olive Garden! So I compensated by getting an appetizer, which I probably shouldn't have, but it was so good!

So I think between those two days is why I went up instead of down.

On the plus side, I exercised every day last week! During it at 4 in the morning is actually working for me. I made myself a deal: If I exercise at 4 in the morning, I can have a diet soda pop during the day, if I want. I'm trying to not just have a pop because I exercised. I'm trying to make it about, if I am super tired, I'll have a soda pop. I also really enjoy watching "Desperate Housewives" while riding my exercise bike. Those two things seem to be enough motivation right now. On Thursday I didn't want to get up because my cramps were so bad. But then I reminded myself how much I like soda pop when my period is here, and I couldn't have one if I didn't exercise so up I got.

I did go to the dr. on Friday and I'm now taking Metformin. We talked about the delayed release so it doesn't make me as sick, but apparently that is more money, so for now I'm taking one with breakfast and another one with dinner. I didn't want it messing up my weekend, so I started yesterday. My belly has been unsettled, but that has been it so far. I hope that is the worst it gets.

I wore my black jeans today and they are still a little tight. I probably need to loose a few more pounds before they fit comfortably.

I want to loose weight for me. I want to feel healthier and sexier. But I now have a few vain reasons too. Something is coming up in the fall and I hope to shock some people with the weight I've lost. And there could be wedding bells in the future for Josh's brother and I want to look good for that too. So I'll just keep plugging along a pound at a time.

I was just reading our company's health newsletter and thought this could apply to my diet.

Think like a champion

*Expect to win. Whatever you're doing, believe you can succeed.

*Celebrate small victories. Build confidence by recognizing small wins. It may give you the gumption to work harder and believe that you can do greater things.

*Focus on what you get to do, not what you have to do. Think of life and work as gifts, not chores. This may help you commit to the task and appreciate the process.

I can do this. I can loose this weight. I can stop thinking about a tall snickers shake and french fries. Eating those things won't really help my emotions any right now, and then I'll be mad at myself and have to work twice as hard to loose the calories that were in my frieds and shake. I need to find something to replace my need for food when I want comfort.

Wow, I shouldn't blog when I'm on the hormonal roller coaster. I sounded pretty desperate last night. But in the end, I ended up just fine.

After work, I went to the store. I was starving (probably from all those pizza thoughts.) I've run low on veggies so I started in the fresh produce section. WHY is the seasonal candy next to the fruits and veggies? WHY?!? While looking at apples, I saw my absolute favorite Easter candy. I talked myself through it and told myself I couldn't get a bag of candy. But then I also looked for a smaller bag. No such luck, or maybe that was good luck. I'm not sure. :p

It was hard to shop while hungry. But I restrained myself. I left  the store with carrots, apples, oranges, broccoli, and mangoes. Oh and cat food, because that was the reason I had to go to the store. I was pretty proud of myself at checkout that I didn't buy anything sweet or anything that I really didn't need, but thought looked good just because I was hungry at the moment.

I have come to a decision to go back on Metformin. Its a diabetic drug, but they also use it to treat PCOS. I was on it once, but it was killer on my stomach. I did finally adjust after MONTHS of pain, but when my prescription run out, I didn't renew it. I'm nervous to tart it back up, but after talking to several people, I've decided I can't NOT start it.

At first, I was hoping it would help me loose weight. And it probably will the first week or two because I won't eat because of how it will make me feel. But after talking to several friends, they have all talked about it helping maintain weight. One friend said she gained 15 pounds and another friend 20 pounds, in a very short time period after going off Metformin. I've worked hard to loose almost 15 pounds, and its taken me a month! I don't want to gain it all back in a week because my PCOS decides to go all haywire.

So my appt. to see the doctor is on Friday. I hope it helps.

On a side note, I've discovered a favorite pair of pants, my gray jeans. I just bought them a few months ago. I can't remember how tight they were when I first got them, but when I wear them, they feel loose and I feel skinnier. :) I tried on my black jeans this morning. They have always been very tight and I rarely wear them. They did feel looser, but I decided to not wear them just yet. Maybe in a week or two.

Oh, and one more thing about last week. A few weeks ago, I measured myself (waist, hips, arms, etc.). I KNOW I put that info into Weight Watchers, but it didn't save. Grrr! Oh well, so I redid that last week and plugged them all in again. I can't remember what my numbers were the first time, so I have no idea of I've lost any inches yet. I do weigh myself every day, but I think I'll only measure once a week.

And on one more happy note, I'm already craving some of the recipes I have tried on Weight Watchers, Chicken Parmesan Sandwiches and an artichoke chicken dish with stewed tomatoes. I still need to find a good spaghetti recipe, but at least I'm trying some foods I like well enough, that I can see myself eating them the rest of my life.

Week 4 and a vent

I should blog about last week, but I've hit a bump and now I can't think about last week. Let me think.

The Weight Watchers website just suddenly started working again. I'm glad its working again, but I was also made because I felt like they were screwing me up. I just took it too personally.

I already blogged about meeting my first mini goal. That was awesome. And maybe just what I needed to survive this next tricky part.

I think my period is coming. I can tell because I'm easily irritated and want to start yelling at people or crying or just loose myself in food. Yep, she is most definalely close. I hate this time of the month. I seriously just want to go home and eat an entire frozen pizza, a full size pizza. Then I want to eat ice cream right out of the carton. And I want a Dr. Pepper! Several times, I have been able to quit soda pop, only to take it back up when my period comes. She just makes me that miserable!

So I'm not sure what I'm going to do for dinner tonight, or the rest of the week. I so want to give in to my cravings. I feel like they will help my nasty mood. But I did finally reach my mini goal. I don't want to throw that down the drain, simply because of my period. I'm afraid if I start eating, I won't be able to quit. Its been hard to get my stomach to adjust to eating less so I need to stick with it.

But really, a donut would hit the spot right now. And some pizza. And some chocolate. Aunt Flow will bethe end of this diet if I let her.

On a happy note, its a girls day out to the city this weekend. I love city food! But I'm going to be good. I have all week to research online and figure things out. Maybe I'll just have to try something new, or maybe even order off the kids menu so my meal won't be as big. But the trip isn't about the food, its about hanging with those I love most (besides that sweet husband of mine.) I can't wait.

Now, what am I going to do to convince myself to stay away from that pizza?

I'll blog about my week later, but I just weighed and I'm too excited to wait to blog about that. When I started Weight Watchers, I decided to just set small goals and then slowly work through them to my ultimate goal. Weight Watchers suggested I loose 5% of my weight. I thought that sounded easy. I didn't realize it would take 4 weeks to get there. My first mini goal was to reach 225. I'm down to 223.8! I've not lost 14.2 pounds. Go me! My next mini goal is to get to 210. I wanted to set it for 200, but since it took me a month to loose almost 15 pounds, I decided to go with 210. Hopefully I'll reach it soon.