I have always loved shopping, but now I LOVE shopping. Its a whole new experience.

I went to a new store (well new to me), Maurice's. I've never stopped there before because I assumed it was "skinny" clothes. I was surprised to see a small plus size section. Not that that matters to me now.

I went in to buy ONE pair of pants. One pair to wear on Christmas so extended family can see just how good I'm looking. All I NEEDED was ONE pair of jeans.

I bought 3 pairs of jeans AND 4 shirts (with 2 tanks to wear under some of them).

The funniest part was trying on pants. Yay, I've gone down another size, but my constant battle that will never end, is finding pants that aren't so long on my short legs. I was having a hard time finding pants in "short" so I flagged down an employee for her help. Do you know they make pants in extra short? I didn't. They had ONE pair left in my NEW size and they fit perfectly. PERFECTLY! But now I feel even shorter then I have before. Oh well, there isn't anything I can do about that.

I was going to stop at pants. But I just wanted to try on a shirt and see how it fit. Its a size medium. :) When I saw how well it fit, I had to try on some other shirts too. They are a little tight, but that's just more motivation to get to the point where they aren't tight. I'm wearing one today that needs a tank top under it to finish it off. The tank is size large, but as I put it on, I remembered buying it a few months ago and thinking IT was too tight. Now its just right and has a size medium shirt over it.

I was so excited over my new clothes that before going to dinner I had to change into my new duds.

Week 42

On Monday I hopped on the scale and it said 179.8. My period is STILL here, so I didn't want to get too excited.

Then on Tuesday is was 178.8. That is 60 pounds lost since starting my diet in March!!! I ran to the front room and gave Josh a big kiss.

Then I held my breath because I don't want to get too excited.

I start a new pill tomorrow to deal with my period. The doctor doesn't want me to start it until I'm at day 15 in my cycle. So hopefully by next week that will be behind me.  Although today it doesn't seem to be as bad. But I'm still going to take the Provera the doctor gave me, just to be sure.

Today the scale said 178.6. I'm so proud of myself for staying out of the 180's this week. Which kind of surprises me, I haven't exercised as much this week because I have a stupid cold. But on the other hand, I've eaten less then normal because some nights I'm more tired then hungry.

I'll feel better once I'm at 175; I hate being so close to 180, its so easy to slip back up to that. But still, I can brag that I've lost 60 pounds!!!!! I wrote our Christmas letter last week and I lied in it by saying I had already lost 60 pounds. Now I'm not a liar.

I saw a poster online yesterday that I really liked. It said, "You're not a dog. Don't reward yourself with food." I've gotten better at not using food as a reward, but still sometimes its hard. 

To celebrate I'm making a trip to Vernal after work tonight to buy a new pair of pants. I want to look good at Christmas dinner.

I would LOVE to loose another 10 (or 15) pounds before the big wedding, but that is only like 6 weeks away, so we'll see. Now, just to hope I'm over this period mess AND this cold by next week so I can get back to exercising more regulary and just overall feeling better.

Week 41

I sat in the bathroom and cried yesterday, that is how well things are right now.

I am so @#%#%^^&@# tired of this stupid period and my stupid PCOS. I talked to my doctor on Wednesday and we're trying a new birth control pill that will "hopefully" kick in over the next few days.

Yesterday I weighed 189. Again.

This morning the alarm went off at 5 and I reset it for 6. When Josh asked why, I told him "what's the point?" Nothing is working right now. It doesn't matter what I eat or how long I exercise, nothing works.

In the end, I did get up after just a few minutes. And I went the furthest on my bike I have ever gone in 1 hour (just over 14 miles). And this morning I only weight 184, so I felt better about that.

I was so stoked to actually loose weight during the holidays. I wanted to be an example to people that it is possible. I have shown so much self control at work. EACH day the break room table has been laden with goodies and sugary treats. And almost every day I've been able to not touch anything. I think there has only been 3 days where I decided to indulge in a small taste. Almost every single day since Thanksgiving I have ridden my bike in the mornings and then made sure to still walk on my work breaks.

I feel like I'm working my butt off, but Thanksgiving is still the lowest weight I've ever been at. I want out of the 180's so bad that I'm now reduced to tears in bathroom stalls at work. (I think I'll just blame that on the hormone's being out of whack. Cause they have been horrid some days.)

I have found a new pleasure, but I can't decide if its a good thing or not. Josh wanted a coffee machine and I let him get one. I tried his coffee (straight black) and it is disgusting! So I bought me my own kind. Its a skinny latte, fat free caramal flavor. Only 100 caleries. (Cracks me up how you can get about just anything in 100 caleries now.) I did some reading online and I couldn't find anything that said coffee causes weight gain. Some websites try to say it will help with weight loss by boosting your motablism. So I decided why not, I'll give it a try. Now I'm hooked. Not sure if it does help with the motablism, but I like how it gets me going in the morning. And even though I don't like Josh's coffee, I've really come to enjoy the smell of it in the morning.

I was finally to the point where I loved MY body. I know,  I know. You shouldn't love yourself because you are skinny, blah blah blah. Love who your are. But after working for so many months, I was finally getting comfortable with how I looked. I started wearing makeup EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I have NEVER done that before in my life. I was finally feeling pretty.

But aunt flow makes me hate my body. I feel bloated and icky and ugly. I NEED my body to get back to normal. I can't keep doing this.

Fingers crossed, but I think my period is FINALLY going away. After 3 LONG and MISERABLE weeks. The scale said 182 this morning which made my day. And made me for more like myself.

But last night was very stressful and its a stress that isn't going to go away over night. Right now all I want is a shake and onion rings. Followed by another shake. And more onion rings. Yes, I am super stressed.

So I'm trying to remind myself that Dallon's wedding is February 4th. I don't have as much time as I had hoped for to loose some more weight.

But ya, I'll still probably break down in the next day or two and have those onion rings.

Week 40

These past 2 weeks have been such a battle. My period got all out of wack by coming 2 weeks early and then not going away. Oh PCOS, how I LOATHE thee.

I know each time aunt flo is here I mention how it screws my diet up, but this was so much worse. In the last two weeks the scale has bounced from 181 and 189 and every where in between. No matter what I do (or don't) eat and how much I exercise, it feels like nothing is working. My body has done this before, but not since starting birth control a few years ago.

So I broke down and went to the doctor today. He made my day by pointing out I've lost 10 pounds since I saw him in October. :) He suggested just immediately starting my next round of bc since I finished one yesterday. Hopefully that will reset my body and make my cycles normal again. If not, I'm supposed to call him back next week.

PLEASE WORK! I hate this! And the hormones have been out of control. I can be happy one minute and slamming doors the next. And I feel like it doesn't matter anymore. I'll eat a large order of onion rings thinking "why bother", but then I feel so guilty that I eat practically nothing for the next two days. I NEED my body to be normal again. I mentioned all that scale jumping, it bounce whether I eat the onion rings or nothing at all, so I know this isn't about my eating habits.

Here's to hoping for a better week.

Week 39

I'm in a terrible mood about this week, so I'm not going to blog about it. My period started, TWO FREAKING weeks early and the scale has been all over the place.

My almost brag, I have exercised my BUTT off (kinda). I figure since Sunday, I have either walked or rode my exercise bike at least 80 miles. And yet, the scale keeps going up. Yesterday was the 1st day I ate horribly, so I know that's not the problem.

It just looks like PCOS is kicking my butt right now. Here's to hoping next week is better.