Week 46

I'm still at 178. I'm trying to not let that bother me, and it hasn't for the most part. Except I would like to be at 175 before the wedding in 2 weeks, but I'm close.I know as a diet goes on it gets harder to loose weight. I need to step up my exercise, but just haven't. Maybe when Josh goes back to work, I'll ride my bike in the morning, and then do something at night when I get home. I really want to join Curves, but not enough to join yet. Joining would mean 2 things right now. 1) Its only like $30 a month, but is something I don't have until Josh is working full time again (hopefully next month). And 2) it would mean driving myself to work everyday I want to go to Curves, which would probably be every day so I can get my money's worth. So even if I could find the $30 a month, I can't justify that much gas, not when I can be carpooling. So maybe this spring....

I need to start toning up. I HATE my inner thighs. I don't think they have changed at all in the last 46 weeks. And my upper arms are still flappy. Add my still round stomach and those are the 3 things I want to change. I  think that is why 178 doesn't bother me. Its now no longer about numbers (at least right now). I think I could be happy in the 170's, if those other areas didn't bother me. That's why I want to join Curves, I'm hoping they can help tone me up.

I know this is my diet blog, but right now I just want to vent about my self image issues. With loosing all this weight, I feel prettier and I want to be prettier. So I've started wearing makeup. This is completely new to me. I didn't even wear make up to my own wedding. So it really is a foreign concept to me.

This morning, I was trying yet another new way to apply my eye makeup and not feel like I looked like a kid who found mom's make up. I washed it off twice before I decided the 3rd attempt was good enough. But then I was in a crabby mood which ended up with me lashing out at my sweet husband. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him "I'm resentful that I didn't have a mom who could teach me about makeup and I hate the fact that life didn't make up for it by giving me friends in high school that could make up for that fact." Yes, I know, life isn't fair. But this seems like a small favor in the whole scheme of things.

I tried looking online for tips with picture step by step instructions, but I only had like 5 minutes so I didn't get to look very hard. Maybe I'll make it a reward to get a makeover when I hit my goal. But I've had a few of those Mary Kay makeovers and haven't been impressed. Each time I have told the person I know NOTHING about makeup and at the end of it all, I still know NOTHING. I told Josh, its like they don't believe an adult can be that dumb about makeup. But I am. Its just so frustrating.

My wardrobe is so bare! I have like only 5 shirts that I wear over and over. Everything else looks icky on me with the way it hangs, So when Josh goes back to work full time, I'm adding new shirts to my growing belated birthday gift list.

This weekend I'm going shopping for a dress for the reception. I think I'll wear a gray dress I already have to the wedding, but I need a purple (or hot pink) dress for the reception. I have found a few online that I really like, but haven't dared order then online because of how my size keeps changing. I'm really excited to find a dress to show off my new figure. It just has to be long enough to cover my ugly legs and arms.

And yes Heather, I know I'm beautiful. Its just been one of those days I guess. Oh and Heather, you will be so proud, I've eaten lunch AND dinner every day for like 2 weeks now. Yes to everyone else, I'm really bad at skipping meals so I can skip the calories. But I'm working hard to not let that become a lifetime habit. I think it has helped to have the hubs home because we actually cook dinner. Most nights he has it ready when I get home, but even if he doesn't, I feel responsible to feed him so I will actually cook something rather then just feed myself cereal.