Well, hello there

I have missed this blog. Just not enough to log on at night after work. Each week, I promise myself I will, but I never follow through with that. But I should have because I know I've had several thoughts the last few months... I just can't remember what they were now.

So quick update. No new weight loss to report on. But also, no gains either. I just keep bouncing back and forth over the same few pounds. I'm still in the mid 170's. Wish is was the 160's, but at least its not the 180's (or higher).

Its been 2 years since I started this journey. I NEVER thought I would make it this far. It was so hard and at times, I wanted to just quit. But I had made a commitment to myself and I wanted to follow through with it. And it has all paid off.

But its not easy. I still fight old habits: mindless eating, large portions, and thinking I need something sweet after dinner every night. I.LOVE.FOOD. It just doesn't always love me. Or it loves me too much and refuses to leave my hips.

I'm sure this is something I will fight the rest of my life. But I try to have the self control to stop for a minute and decide if an extra cupcake is worth it. Most importantly, I know, that if I ever lost my skinny body, I would miss that more then the food I'm missing out on now.

Right now, I am having a hard time because life just feels so stressful. Work is going through a lot of changes and those are starting to wear on me. I'm not getting along all that great with some family members and that stresses me. I feel like my social life has disappeared and that depresses me. Severely. Curves keeps going back and forth about deciding to close or stay open. That has made me loose my exercise focus. I still go every day, but its only half heartily. I feel like I can't decide what to do next until they make a decision and stick to it. When you add that all up, it just feels like so much.

The only constant I have right now is my husband is home every night. He cooks me dinner every night. Which has resulted in us trying a lot of new things. And we are not that great at adding veggies or salads to those dinners. I try to make healthier choices, like whole wheat pasta. But sometimes we find a recipe that looks out of this world, and we try it, even if it does happen to call for 2 cups of heavy cream or something else fattenings. I've had a very hard time finding a balance with dinner. I try to eat real healthy for breakfast and lunch, but then most days, those efforts are lost on dinner.

I'm ready for a change. I just need to figure out what it is. If I can get a solid feel that Curves will stay open, I'm going to upgrade to the Curves Complete. But I just keep thinking they won't renew their contract and will be shutting their doors. So then I need to find something else. I KNOW that to stop exercising is not an option for my body. EVER.

There is other gyms, but I liked that Curves was women only. And even if I could get past the issue of working out in front of men, I don't want to do it around a lot of people. The fullest I have seen Curves is 8 people. I don't want to be in the same area as 30+ people. Or even 20+. Maybe I still have too many self image issues or something. I just know that when I drive by the gym to go to Curves, the parking lot is overflowing. If I keep going somewhere to work out, it would be the same time, and I just don't want to workout in front of that many people. I just know I would buy a membership and then never use it.

And, I miss carpooling. I miss the gas money I save when carpooling. I miss having someone to chat with to help me stay alert. So if Curves closes, I think I'll just come up with a routine I can do at home. Then I can carpool again. And I won't be paying monthly fees for a gym.

I've thought about Weight Watchers again. I really do believe they have a system that provides real results. I know their system has changed, but I'm sure the basics are still the same. Maybe I should give their website another chance.

Or maybe I'll just starting walking Sage several miles a day. I thought I could do it after work, but my workouts are more consistent when I do them early mornings. Its probably warm enough now, I could start doing this. Except, just this morning, I passed a skunk as I was driving to work and remembered, I've walked before and run into those "smelly" critters.

Ugh, its just all so frustrating. But I will figure it out, because I'm worth it. I love myself more now then I ever have before and I refuse to loose that.