I have always loved shopping, but now I LOVE shopping. Its a whole new experience.

I went to a new store (well new to me), Maurice's. I've never stopped there before because I assumed it was "skinny" clothes. I was surprised to see a small plus size section. Not that that matters to me now.

I went in to buy ONE pair of pants. One pair to wear on Christmas so extended family can see just how good I'm looking. All I NEEDED was ONE pair of jeans.

I bought 3 pairs of jeans AND 4 shirts (with 2 tanks to wear under some of them).

The funniest part was trying on pants. Yay, I've gone down another size, but my constant battle that will never end, is finding pants that aren't so long on my short legs. I was having a hard time finding pants in "short" so I flagged down an employee for her help. Do you know they make pants in extra short? I didn't. They had ONE pair left in my NEW size and they fit perfectly. PERFECTLY! But now I feel even shorter then I have before. Oh well, there isn't anything I can do about that.

I was going to stop at pants. But I just wanted to try on a shirt and see how it fit. Its a size medium. :) When I saw how well it fit, I had to try on some other shirts too. They are a little tight, but that's just more motivation to get to the point where they aren't tight. I'm wearing one today that needs a tank top under it to finish it off. The tank is size large, but as I put it on, I remembered buying it a few months ago and thinking IT was too tight. Now its just right and has a size medium shirt over it.

I was so excited over my new clothes that before going to dinner I had to change into my new duds.

Week 42

On Monday I hopped on the scale and it said 179.8. My period is STILL here, so I didn't want to get too excited.

Then on Tuesday is was 178.8. That is 60 pounds lost since starting my diet in March!!! I ran to the front room and gave Josh a big kiss.

Then I held my breath because I don't want to get too excited.

I start a new pill tomorrow to deal with my period. The doctor doesn't want me to start it until I'm at day 15 in my cycle. So hopefully by next week that will be behind me.  Although today it doesn't seem to be as bad. But I'm still going to take the Provera the doctor gave me, just to be sure.

Today the scale said 178.6. I'm so proud of myself for staying out of the 180's this week. Which kind of surprises me, I haven't exercised as much this week because I have a stupid cold. But on the other hand, I've eaten less then normal because some nights I'm more tired then hungry.

I'll feel better once I'm at 175; I hate being so close to 180, its so easy to slip back up to that. But still, I can brag that I've lost 60 pounds!!!!! I wrote our Christmas letter last week and I lied in it by saying I had already lost 60 pounds. Now I'm not a liar.

I saw a poster online yesterday that I really liked. It said, "You're not a dog. Don't reward yourself with food." I've gotten better at not using food as a reward, but still sometimes its hard. 

To celebrate I'm making a trip to Vernal after work tonight to buy a new pair of pants. I want to look good at Christmas dinner.

I would LOVE to loose another 10 (or 15) pounds before the big wedding, but that is only like 6 weeks away, so we'll see. Now, just to hope I'm over this period mess AND this cold by next week so I can get back to exercising more regulary and just overall feeling better.

Week 41

I sat in the bathroom and cried yesterday, that is how well things are right now.

I am so @#%#%^^&@# tired of this stupid period and my stupid PCOS. I talked to my doctor on Wednesday and we're trying a new birth control pill that will "hopefully" kick in over the next few days.

Yesterday I weighed 189. Again.

This morning the alarm went off at 5 and I reset it for 6. When Josh asked why, I told him "what's the point?" Nothing is working right now. It doesn't matter what I eat or how long I exercise, nothing works.

In the end, I did get up after just a few minutes. And I went the furthest on my bike I have ever gone in 1 hour (just over 14 miles). And this morning I only weight 184, so I felt better about that.

I was so stoked to actually loose weight during the holidays. I wanted to be an example to people that it is possible. I have shown so much self control at work. EACH day the break room table has been laden with goodies and sugary treats. And almost every day I've been able to not touch anything. I think there has only been 3 days where I decided to indulge in a small taste. Almost every single day since Thanksgiving I have ridden my bike in the mornings and then made sure to still walk on my work breaks.

I feel like I'm working my butt off, but Thanksgiving is still the lowest weight I've ever been at. I want out of the 180's so bad that I'm now reduced to tears in bathroom stalls at work. (I think I'll just blame that on the hormone's being out of whack. Cause they have been horrid some days.)

I have found a new pleasure, but I can't decide if its a good thing or not. Josh wanted a coffee machine and I let him get one. I tried his coffee (straight black) and it is disgusting! So I bought me my own kind. Its a skinny latte, fat free caramal flavor. Only 100 caleries. (Cracks me up how you can get about just anything in 100 caleries now.) I did some reading online and I couldn't find anything that said coffee causes weight gain. Some websites try to say it will help with weight loss by boosting your motablism. So I decided why not, I'll give it a try. Now I'm hooked. Not sure if it does help with the motablism, but I like how it gets me going in the morning. And even though I don't like Josh's coffee, I've really come to enjoy the smell of it in the morning.

I was finally to the point where I loved MY body. I know,  I know. You shouldn't love yourself because you are skinny, blah blah blah. Love who your are. But after working for so many months, I was finally getting comfortable with how I looked. I started wearing makeup EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I have NEVER done that before in my life. I was finally feeling pretty.

But aunt flow makes me hate my body. I feel bloated and icky and ugly. I NEED my body to get back to normal. I can't keep doing this.

Fingers crossed, but I think my period is FINALLY going away. After 3 LONG and MISERABLE weeks. The scale said 182 this morning which made my day. And made me for more like myself.

But last night was very stressful and its a stress that isn't going to go away over night. Right now all I want is a shake and onion rings. Followed by another shake. And more onion rings. Yes, I am super stressed.

So I'm trying to remind myself that Dallon's wedding is February 4th. I don't have as much time as I had hoped for to loose some more weight.

But ya, I'll still probably break down in the next day or two and have those onion rings.

Week 40

These past 2 weeks have been such a battle. My period got all out of wack by coming 2 weeks early and then not going away. Oh PCOS, how I LOATHE thee.

I know each time aunt flo is here I mention how it screws my diet up, but this was so much worse. In the last two weeks the scale has bounced from 181 and 189 and every where in between. No matter what I do (or don't) eat and how much I exercise, it feels like nothing is working. My body has done this before, but not since starting birth control a few years ago.

So I broke down and went to the doctor today. He made my day by pointing out I've lost 10 pounds since I saw him in October. :) He suggested just immediately starting my next round of bc since I finished one yesterday. Hopefully that will reset my body and make my cycles normal again. If not, I'm supposed to call him back next week.

PLEASE WORK! I hate this! And the hormones have been out of control. I can be happy one minute and slamming doors the next. And I feel like it doesn't matter anymore. I'll eat a large order of onion rings thinking "why bother", but then I feel so guilty that I eat practically nothing for the next two days. I NEED my body to be normal again. I mentioned all that scale jumping, it bounce whether I eat the onion rings or nothing at all, so I know this isn't about my eating habits.

Here's to hoping for a better week.

Week 39

I'm in a terrible mood about this week, so I'm not going to blog about it. My period started, TWO FREAKING weeks early and the scale has been all over the place.

My almost brag, I have exercised my BUTT off (kinda). I figure since Sunday, I have either walked or rode my exercise bike at least 80 miles. And yet, the scale keeps going up. Yesterday was the 1st day I ate horribly, so I know that's not the problem.

It just looks like PCOS is kicking my butt right now. Here's to hoping next week is better.

Week 38

I should have posted yesterday, but I didn't want to brag about a great week and then ruin it all on Thanksgiving dinner, so I decided to wait until today.

Drum roll please.... yesterday was Thanksgiving dinner and I STILL lost weight! I was so proud of myself yesterday. I only had a few things on my plate yesterday. A small slice of turkey, some cranberries, a small helping of yams, a few veggies from my turkey shaped veggie tray, a small scoop of stuffing and some of grandma Vonne's lefsa (its a Norweign potato bread/tortilla). I wanted to go back for seconds, but instead I went on a walk for an hour.

I took 3 pies for dessert and decided to try each. I had 2 bites of the coconut cream and lemon meringue and then half a slice of the cranberry cherry pie. It was delish!

Now the pressure is on. Josh's little brother got engaged yesterday. We all knew it was coming. For months now, Melanie and I have joked that the bride would be the only one prettier then us at the wedding. But now that there is actually a real wedding coming up, we feel pressured to step it up. They have to work out a few details, like a job he just applied for and her trying to transfer colleges, the wedding could be in March or May. I'm kind of hoping for May so I have that much more time. But either way, I'm even that more committed now.

I'm less then 2 pounds away from being under 180. I hope I can be under 180 by the end of next week.

Josh is pretty much home for the winter. That will be hard on my diet. I told him that any time he wants elk steaks for dinner, to go ahead. I won't feel bad about not eating what he is eating and I'll eat something small like cereal or a salad.

I know some of my weight loss friends are just hoping to maintain through the holiday season, but I am determined to keep loosing.

Right now, I'm feeling really good about this week. But the better I feel, the more I dread Thanksgiving. I'm so close to being under 180, but I'm so worried about how Thanksgiving dinner will knock the scale right back up. I know Thanksgiving only comes once a year, but I've worked so hard on this weight loss. I don't want to loose control of it over the holidays.

Which is already kind of happening. I've decided to take a veggie tray and a diet drink to dinner. Sounds good. But now I'm taking THREE pies. But I took a pie making class a few weeks ago and I am so excited to try out my new skills. So I can't choose just one, even though that would be easier. And I can't make myself make only one I like and then others I wouldn't.

Maybe I'll just skip dinner altogether and go right for dessert. ;)

And I thought between the meal and dessert I would suggest to Melanie that we go find the walking park and go around a few (or several) laps. I think I'll be able to talk her into it since I think she is just as nervous about the holidays as I am.

Week 37

I love the good weeks. :) Sometimes I just feel like I'm on top of this weight loss. Other times I feel like I have spun out of control. But this was a good week. I'm now down 56 pounds!!!!

Dr. Pepper 10 makes me feel like I'm cheating on my diet, but since its only 10 calories, I'm not. I LOVE the stuff. But I don't over do it, I limit myself to only one (or two) a day so at the most I'm still only drinking 20 calories, but I'm getting my fill of it. And its caught on in the office, we have a pop machine and the lady who fills it bought a case of Dr. Pepper 10. Its in the fridge with a note it costs as much as the soda pops in the machine. I think a few people are drinking it now.

And I don't know if it was just for me, but yesterday at our luncheon meeting, they had thin crust pizza. I made sure to thank a few people so stuff like that continues in the future. It makes this diet so much easier when I have to go somewhere to eat and they have healthier options for me.

So far I'm staying strong with exercising. I refuse to let this cold weather make me stop and put back on some of this weight I've worked so hard to loose. The wind blows just about every day. When that happens, I take my breaks and walk around inside the warehouse. But I still walk outside when the weather is nice so the view isn't so boring. ;)

My one discouragement this week has been on a mental level. I have a subscription to Weight Watchers Magazine. I was ready through it and they always do success stories. One lady had lost like 30 pounds, but she started at 146. I know in my head, that she is probably shorter then me and have a smaller frame so that is probably normal, but its really bothered me that she had to diet at 146. That's the goal I'm shooting for, but when I look at her, I fill like I'll still be fat. I've had to work hard to remind myself that I did talk to my doctor about what is healthy and that is what I'm shooting for. I just feel like the magazine can be a little misleading I guess. They should list if she is 5 feet tall etc, so I can get a better feel for what is healthy for her vs. me. Its just hard to think that when I hit my goal weight, other people are starting diets at that weight. Our society is so obsessed with being thin and I know I get sucked into it. I'll keep working hard to remember I want to be at a healthy weight and what my doctor suggested.

My tight pants aren't tight anymore, that's the highlight of the week. They are still snug enough I can't just pull them off like I do my other pants, but they are close to that. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I bought a few new clothes 2 weeks ago. Mostly sweaters so I could update my winter clothes with stuff that fits. But I also bought a new dress. I LOVE this dress. Our work party is in a few weeks. I don't normal dress up, but I think I look smokin' in this dress, so I'm going to dress up for the party this year.

I was really hoping to loose 60 pounds by Thanksgiving, but that is still 4 pounds away. Four doesn't seem like a lot, but realistically, most people loose 1-2 pounds a week. I've had a few weeks bigger then that, but only a few. So instead I'm just hoping to be under 180 before Thanksgiving, which is only 2 pounds away. And I'm only going to be eating my most favorite of foods on Thanksgiving. No mashed potatoes and maybe no turkey. I know its healthy, but I want to spend my calories on the side dishes I love so much but only get this time of year. I should also try to figure out a better punch option for me and Melanie, I wonder if they drink they usually make is high in sugar?

I'm back under 190, so I'm feeling pretty good this week. There's a chance the hubs might actually be home tonight, so I'm trying to remind myself to still eat healthy even if he is home. Its harder to eat well when he is home. And get my exercise in. But I'm still hoping he'll be home tonight for a few nights.

I forgot to put in my post today that I'm not completely discouraged. Even though I'm up some from last week, surprisingly my tight pants fit really good today; the best they ever have. Odd, but I'm not going to complain.

Week 36

I did okish all week...until yesterday. Then yesterday, I learned, I am not ready AT ALL for the holidays. Work had their Thanksgiving luncheon yesterday and I ate way too much food. I even went back for seconds of one thing. This morning, it showed on the scale, by a lot. Ugh. Well, my period is starting too and that affects the scale, but I'm blaming it all on how I ate yesterday.

So today I skipped the lunch (because there is always leftovers so they feast for 2 days) and walked instead. I might try to make it a habit to walk during my lunch break in addition to my other breaks. I only get 30 mins for lunch, but I figured it was better then eating more food.

So now I'm terrified of the holidays. Not only do I not want to gain during the holidays, I want to continue loosing. Its not like the holidays are about food, but they sure seem to center around food a lot. I'm just going to have to avoid it as much as I can. Which will be hard at work, because the week of Thanksgiving until the New Year, there is ALWAYS food in the break room. They put a calendar out and people sign up to bring treats. And most people bring treats that are out of this world delish, but also out of this world high in sugar and/or fat. It won't be like other days where I can tell myself to only get something its an absolute favorite. I work with really good cooks and it will all be my favorites. So I think I'll either walk on my lunches or have to eat in the back meeting room. Which shouldn't feel bad about. My lunch break is during the unsocial hour, it seems like everyone else goes to lunch after me, so 9 times out of 10, I'm alone in the break room anyways. It won't be nothing to eat alone in a different room.

Eating the bare minimum today so I can enjoy my trip to the city tomorrow. Yes, I know, I just spent this post complaining about eating too much. But I don't get to eat in the city often and we're going to a new place tomorrow. I plan to thoroughly enjoy it.

Week 35

I find myself not wanting to blog on weeks like this. But I know I need to keep myself accountable so I force myself to blog, even about the bad weeks.

No weight loss this week. That is because there was no exercising on my part this week.

I could end my post there, but I did have one highlight this week.

The HARDEST thing to give up when I started this diet was Dr. Pepper. Diet Dr. Pepper is NOT the same, not even close. I've tried to quit soda pop altogether, but I just can't. I need that kick of caffeine. So I've been alternating between Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi. Both give me the kick I need, but still don't quite satisfy me.

Last week on FB a friend posted that Dr. Pepper 10 was only 1 weight watcher point. I know I'm not actually on that plan anymore, but I was still curious. A Diet Dr. Pepper was 0 points and I think a regular Dr. Pepper was like 8 points. So the 1 point caught my attention. I had never heard of Dr. Pepper 10, so I googled it. They are marketing it as a diet drink for men. Men can't drink a sissy drink like Diet Dr. Pepper, but they can drink Dr. Pepper 10 with only 10 BOLD calories. The marketing kind of reminded me of Coke Zero.

I was worried I'd have to look hard to find one to try, but really, who am I kidding. America has a soda pop epidemic, of course I found it easily.

It is not quite as good as Dr. Pepper, but it is so much better then Diet Dr. Pepper. It does satisfy my craving. And at only 10 cravings per serving, I don't feel guilty about it. I should mention the 10 calories is based on an 8 oz. can and I've been drinking the bottled kind, so its actually 20 calories by the time I finish my drink, but still I can live with only 20 calories.

Here's my motivation for this week.

I just saw a quote I really liked. "The No. 1 reason people quit is because they look how far they've got to go, not how far they have come." It applies in life in so many ways, but my first thought was, "at least with my weight loss, I'm finally past the half way point and I really have already lost more then I have to loose now."

Week 34

Well, what a bummer of a week. But I can't make excuses. It was my fault. I didn't eat well and I didn't exercise. I blame myself.

Last week I lost almost 8 pounds, this week I gained about half of it back. :( I could make excuses, shoot I have in my head for a few days now as I've watched the scale go back up. I tried telling myself I pushed myself to hard last week and my body needed to recover from it. But the truth is, I didn't exercise. At all. I know better then that!

Hopefully this gained back fat isn't stuck too hard and I can get it right back off. Starting today I am going to do better.

So I can already tell this week is going to suck on my official weigh in day. But I'm not going to let it upset me. Hubs was actually home for several days in a row, but I wasn't prepared with food in the house, so we ate out a bit. So now I'll just have to try and do damage control for the next few days and get back down to where I was a week ago. After I eat a magic cookie bar for dinner tonight. ;) What, I'm proud of myself. I wanted to make cookies all weekend just so I could eat the dough, but I fought it off. When Josh suggested Magic Cookie Bars I went with that instead and kept just a little for myself.

I've gotten the greatest compliments lately so I need to add them for the next time I get discouraged.

I guess Josh's old boss saw me at Preston's soccer game last week. He called Josh today about something else, but then he told them that he saw me at the game taking pictures, but didn't recognize me until I started talking to Melanie. He told Josh that I have lost half of myself.

Then on Sunday I wore my pretty black dress to church. I did get lots of compliments, but the best one happened yesterday. A lady from my ward came into work to do something and she said I looked so good in my black dress, she went online the next day and bought one for her.

Things like that totally make my day. Sometimes I feel like I can't see any change. I know that's all in my head and I've heard its harder to loose the psychological fat vs. the real fat, and I believe it. But when others tell me they can see it, it makes the physiological fat go away a little bit more.

Week 33

I can finally say I've lost 50 pounds!!!! Overall, I've lost 53.60 total, 7.8 of that just in the last week. Its like my body finally got in sync with itself and got rid of all the fat cells I keep working over and over and over and over. There was days I thought it was pointless to walk on my breaks because the scale had been stuck for so LONG. But I kept hoping it would suddenly pay off and it did. :)

I also started to question my decision to quit Weight Watchers. I've only kept an overall total of weight loss, but I don't have anything that can tell me how much I've lost each week. So I started to wonder if I did loose weight quicker on Weight Watchers. But after this week, I'm ok with my decision to do this diet on my own.

I am trying to change up my walks a little. I hate that I only get 15 minutes, but I try to make the most of it. Some days I punch my arms while walking. But this week I started running certain parts of my walk. Melanie showed up at her moms last Sunday all sweating. She had walked from her house. When she got to the bottom of the last hill, she ran the rest of the way. I told her I would've come with her, so she said next Sunday. I can't run that far! But hopefully I can build up my endurance faster by running on my breaks. I don't particularly like being all sweaty when I come back in to work, but I still like it better then the fatter version of me I used to be, so I'll keep doing it. And I still run the stairs in the warehouse from time to time.

I haven't done my Biggest Loser Wii in a while, so I put it in the other night. Made me remember how much I love that work out. So I put it in the next night too, but 5 minutes into it and my ankle was in extreme pain. I'm not sure what I did to it, but for now I'm going to keep taking a break from the Wii game. I don't want to really hurt myself and then not be able to exercise at all.

I think I've finally figured out a Halloween Costume. We're both going to be scarecrows. I'm going to try and make a tutu so mine can be more feminine, but even if I don't get that done, I can wear a pair of Josh's old holey jeans. Yep, I fit into my husbands pants now.

I know I probably won't have another week as great as this. I know with Weight Watchers, they said it was normal to loose 1-2 pounds a week. So I'll just be glad for a great week that got me out of a rut and keep working to shed the little pounds at a time.

I think I want to loose about 40 more pounds, but even after loosing 50, 40 seems overwhelming, so for now my new goal is to get to 175. That's 10 pounds away. Here's to hoping I can do it by the end of the year.

I want to blog early this week because it has been such an AWESOME week. But for now, all I'm going to say is, I finally have hit the big 50 pounds lost mark! I'll blog the rest tomorrow, hopefully the scale will move that much more by then. And also, knowing that I have to report tomorrow will make me be good today so I don't screw this awesome week up.

I'm feeling slightly better this morning. The scale finally shows me under 190. Not by much, but it was what I needed to remind me why I'm doing this diet. I'm doing it so I can feel better about myself. It would have been a nice bonus to be able to find a costume this year, but I'll survive. I'm doing this diet so I can be pretty inside and out. I'm exercising so I can walk and not get out of breathe. I'm doing  so I can have more energy and be more healthy. I'm doing it so hopefully my PCOS symptoms won't be so bad.  I'm doing it so I can shop on the regular side of clothing stores. I'm doing this because for years I didn't care about my body, when I should have. It has been hard, but it has been so worth it.

I forgot to mention something in my last week update post. When talking to my doctor, I asked him what is a realistic goal to shoot for. I suddenly can't remember the mathematical way he told me, but he said for me, 145 is about average. At first, I was like "Yikes" that only puts me half way there. But that is the number I've had in the back of my head for a long time now. I was going to aim for 150, but I like to have a "cushion". Like when I was finally under 200 pounds, I didn't really count it until I was at 196 because I wanted enough distance that I knew I'd never get back above 200. So with a goal of 150, I was already thinking 145 so I could not stress about seeing 152 on the scale one morning. It probably sounds ridiculous, but that is how my mind plays it out. For another example, even thought the scale said 189.8, I won't relax until it says 186. Its just a difference of a few pounds, but to me, its a huge difference.

Ugh, I absolutely HATE my body right now. As in I never want to eat again. I wasted my entire day trying to find a Halloween costume. I started the day out so proud, I've lost almost 50 pounds, I should be able to find something. ........ I tried on costumes at 6 different stores today. SIX! Nothing fit. Usually, because my arms are to fat. At one store I tried on 4 different costumes, the worker was sweet. But she just kept pointing me to more costumes with tight sleeves. Well, except the pioneer costume. Pioneer? Why did I even bother loosing all this weight? I'm too small to fit in the plus size costumes, but too big to fit in the regular sizes. Its had me in tears all day. How is it Halloween is just about candy, yet they only makes costumes for the super skinny people.

So now I'm back to plan B. I'll just wear and apron and be a chef for Halloween. It doesn't sound near as fun, but at least the apron fits. Stupid body, I hate you.

I guess I should mention that my options are slim to begin with because just about every costume screams SLUT. If the company is called Leg Appeal, you know you aren't going to find anything in their section. And I did find one costume that was close. But it was way too long. I couldn't justify spending that much on a dress that was going to drag the ground several inches.

Maybe next year...

Week 31 and Week 32

I know I missed blogging last week. I am having a battle with my body. Some days I love it, other days I HATE it. HATE. So I didn't blog since it was a hate day for me last week.

I keep bouncing back between 291 and 294 and it is driving me nuts! I even saw 189 on the scale one day, but the next day I was back up. ARGH.  But I'm trying to not get discouraged and keep working at it.  I've hit these kind of spots before and then suddenly one day, I finally break away from that number and never see it again.

Some of the highlights over the last two weeks.

Years (and years) ago, my mother in-law bought me a nice winter coat for Christmas. It never fit well, but of course after a year or two, it didn't fit at all. Every now and then, I would think about giving it away, but it was such a nice coat, I couldn't part with it. The other day I saw it in the closet and decided to try it on. It fits!!!! Its a little tight, but I can't believe it fits.

Last week, I went in for my yearly visit. The dr. was very proud of me and all the weight I loss. The only sad part was he said congrats on loosing 30 pounds. Um, I must have gained 18 more pounds before my LAST visit, because I have now lost 48 since starting my diet. I made sure to correct him, I want credit for every single pound. (That's I've lost, not gained.)

The last thing that made me feel better(ish) was apparently I'm going to be in a local commercial. Gulp. The camera does in fact add 10 pounds, but I was so grateful I've worked so hard to loose so much. I still feel like a fatty in the commercial, but at the end it flashes a picture of all the employees and I can tell for SURE I'm a fatty in that picture because it was taken like 18 months ago. At least its not that girl in the commercial.

I had a hard time making myself walk this week on my breaks. Its because I'm so discouraged. But I know deep down that it will all pay off, so I walked anyways. I saw a poster on pinterest that says something like, "Its simple. You either do it or you don't." I've tried to make that my motto. So far its worked because I kept with it this week on my exercise. I even got up at 4 am one morning because I knew I would be home late that night.

A friend just posted a pic of herself on FB in her fat jeans and how they are way to big on her now. She has officially lost 60 pounds. I'm so happy for her. But some of the comments made me laugh. I wanted to sarcastically comment back to these people, but decided it isn't ok for me to steal my friends wall, and more importantly, her joy.

So I'll say it here. What's the secret they all ask? There is NO secret. Eat better and exercise. Yep, that is the words of wisdom to be shared. Its a lifestyle change.

To further add to those thoughts, even though the next comments weren't actually made on her wall, but they still come to mind. Don't you miss real food? Nope. I had a small pizza for dinner and enjoyed every bite. Its called moderation. In this case, less is more. The less I eat, the more weight I loose and the more healthy I become.

But exercise is so hard. Why yes, it is. Even I didn't think I had the time for it. But I have found the time. On my work breaks, I used to sit on my butt and read for 15 minutes. Now, I get outside and power walk for 15 minutes. Some days I want to be lazy and just read. But I walk anyways because I like the way I feel afterwards. I LOVE to read, don't get me wrong. But I have noticed how much healthier I feel when I exercise daily.

Which brings me to another thought I've had floating around my head lately. Today I had to run to the store for some milk. Those tricky stores, they put the Halloween candy right where you have to walk past it to get to ANYTHING. I almost caved and bought a big bag of candy. But then I realized I would have eaten the entire bag in two days. I reminded myself I didn't need that. Which leads back to the big "secret". There is no secret. Just hard work, self control and determination.

Sure its been hard. But its been worth it. I didn't pay attention to weight in high school, so I can't tell you what I weighted 10 years ago. I can't tell you what I weighted on my wedding day. But I just looked in my closet at a few of my old high school dance dresses. I can tell you I'm not very far from fitting into them again. I can NOT wait for that day.

And to quote Jillian Micheals from my Biggest Loser Challenge Wii Game, "Do you want to be skinny or not?" Yes I do!

Week 30

Much better this week, but man did I work my butt off! I'm now only 2 pounds away from loosing 50 pounds overall! And if I keep it up, I think I can hit that by next week. A lot of my meals have been replaced with the Bolthouse smoothies and protein drinks. I swear I'm addicted to the chocolate one. I wish it was cheaper so I could drink it all the time. Because I don't eat much during the day, I've been sure to have a good dinner at night and not just cereal.

I am back into exercise mode and I love it. For me, once I get good at exercising every day, I notice how good it makes me feel. I'll start to get stressed at work, but then on my break, I go walk and I feel so much better. I've also run the stairs in the work warehouse now and I'm getting better at that. When I did it last week, for the very first time, my legs hurt for 4 days. But now it doesn't even bother me. I did break it up though. I go up and down three times. When I get to the top the third time, I do a quick lap around the top. Then its up and down three more times and another lap up top. I only get a 15 minute break to do this. I can do 8 laps total right now (so I'm going up and down the stairs a total of 24 times). I hope to get even faster and be able to get more laps in.

Its hard to believe I've been in diet mode for 30 weeks now. I'm so glad I've kept track. This diet seemed impossible when I started, but once I accepted it would take time and work I knew I could do it. Some days I feel like I've made the lifestyle changes I need to make this a permanent change. Other times I feel like I haven't learned anything. Like last night, I had two pieces of frozen raspberry lemonade pie for dessert instead of stopping at one. But then the guilt set in so I hopped on my exercise bike for 45 mins. But I don't have dessert often, so maybe its ok to indulge, as long as its not often.

It would've been nice to loose all this weight in just a few months, but I really don't think that is the healthy way to go or that I would have been able to change my eating and exercising habits like I have going the long way.

Week 29 update

I'm feeling a bit better now. When I first started my diet, I didn't feel like I was loosing weight, even though the scale was showing results. Then Josh tugged on my pants one day and they fell off. I'm sure I've mentioned that on my blog somewhere, I'm just too lazy to go find it and add in the link. But after that I quit using the zipper and button each time I took my pants off. I just slid them on and off. Until they got so bad I had to use a belt.

I've reached that stage again. I was discouraged earlier today, but thought my pants felt looser so I tried pulling on them and yep, they slid right off. :) I don't need a belt yet, but it did make my day. I bought these pants about a month ago and they were kinda tight. But not anymore.

Week 29

I feel a little let down this week. I worked hard. I did my exercise every day. And I think I ate well. But the scale didn't change this week. But I'm going to try and not let it get me down. I'm going to keep with it and it will pay off. Maybe next week will be a bigger loss to make up for this week.

One new thing I did this week is ran the stairs in the warehouse at work. I usually walk on my 15 min breaks (so 2 times a day), but one day the wind was blowing. I HATE THE WIND! But I knew I had plans that night and I probably wouldn't exercise, so I knew I needed to do something. So I went to the warehouse and just walked up and down the stairs. I ran the first few times, but wow, that tires a person out fast. So I spent the rest of the time just walking up and down. Up and down. That was on Tuesday; I'm still sore. I think I'll do it again today and then try to do it a few times a week.

I'm just glad to be back in exercise mode. I really do think I feel better when I exercise daily. I feel like I sleep better and that I don't drag as much throughout the day. We have our department meeting today and I'm bummed because I won't get my 1st break and therefore no walk. Ya, I've become one weird person. But tonight there is a work dinner and it is like an hour after we close, so I think in the down time I'll go walk so I can still my exercise in for the day. I need to stay dedicated so I don't fall off the wagon again. Or maybe its just back on the wagon in this case.

Overall I'm not going to let the no change affect me. I was sick last week the night before weigh in and skipped dinner so that's probably why it was so great last week.

I've started looking at hairstyles. I can't wait to hit the 50 pound mark and get my hair makeover. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm excited for it. I'm ready for a change and 50 pounds feels like a reason to give myself extra pampering.

Week 28

:) That's what I can say about this week. I did so much better. I exercised every day and it paid off. I'm now down 47.6 pounds. If I keep it up, I'll be down 50 pounds soon, hopefully in the next week or two. I'm so proud of myself.

I've been walking during BOTH of my 15 minute breaks at work. I'm so grateful the heat is gone so the afternoon walk isn't unbearable. I've been speed walking and I've been able to get faster so now I can do a little bit extra. I used to walk around the yard, then the shop, and then to the front door. But now I can make an extra trip back and forth in front of the shop, before heading in. Go me!!!!!

Yesterday, I saw this ARTICLE about Kirstie Alley. She went from a size 14 to a size 4! I'm not shooting for a size 4 myself, but now a size 8 (or 6) doesn't seem so impossible. I'm still trying to be realistic, but now I refuse to stop until I'm at least out of a size 10. I don't want to be in a size that has 2 digits.

I went ahead and cancelled my subscription to Weight Watchers. I think I've lost 10-15 pounds on my own so I think I'm ok to go at this alone. Really, I already am. I can't remember the last time I went on their website. My subscription doesn't officially end for another month because they already billed me for September, but I don't see myself changing my mind.

Here's to hoping for another great week. I've been fighting a cold all week and it finally got worse last night. But I'll push through it and keep working hard.

Week 27

I bought a new swimsuit and I feel pretty sexy in it. I wasn't going to buy one until next year, but I suddenly needed one for a get away weekend. I have the one I bought last year, but it is HUGE. I've been wearing it when I get in my mom's hottub, but I'm always alone when I do that, so I don't mind how it seems to fall off of me. But knowing I was going to be in a pool with other people, I decided to just buy a suit now. It is the end of summer so the pickins were slim, but they did seem to be a little cheaper. Josh is a dud and wouldn't go swimming with us, but he still made sure to tell me how nice I looked in my suit.

I did try to get Josh to share a meal with me when we ate out for lunch one day, but then realized we didn't want the same thing. It was at Panda Express. Really, he'll eat anything and be fine so I probably could've gotten away with it. But when he wanted rice, while I wanted chow mein, I decided I didn't want to share with him and make him eat only the stuff I wanted. And that worked out because he ordered spicy stuff I dont' like anyways.

Overall, I think this life style change is taking affect. I went shopping the other night and was STARVING. The Halloween candy is out and it was so tempting, but instead I had a protien shake. I finally got brave a few weeks ago and tried the Protein Plus Chocolate drink by Bolthouse Farms. The label has words like "soy" and "whey" on it, and I was worried that would ruin the chocolate taste. But I didn't think it tasted like a diet drink at all. It may now be my favorite. I think I could give up soda pop for this stuff, but its a little more expensive.

Speaking of soda, I'm down to usually one can a day at work. On the weekends, sometimes I have one, sometimes I don't. But man, do I miss the leaded stuff! I'd go back in a heartbeat if it didn't make me gain weight. But I just can't kick the caffiene habit enough to give it up altogether.

I ended the week by wearing a shirt I haven't worn in YEARS. I wouldn't have even still had it in my closet, but it was my absolute favorite Halloween shirt. It felt so good to fit in it.

Week 26

Crap, week 27 is almost over and I just realized I missed blogging about my diet for the last two weeks. I can't remember much about week 25 or 26, but I still thought I might try to think of some highlights.

Its kind of weird to have to actually button and zip my pants again. For so long, I just kept wearing my old jeans. They were so big, I could just slip them off and on. But it is nice to feel like I look good. Some days I still can't believe I have lost 3 sizes. I never thought I could do it. I'm so glad my hard work is paying off. It has been HARD, but its been worth it.

Exercise? I've been slacking again. Why do I do that?! I KNOW when I exercise I loose weight. I KNOW THIS! But I guess I just get lazy. I need to be better. I don't want this weight to be my finally weight.

Week 25

Looks like I forgot to blog about that week. It would've ended on August 25th.

Week 24

Success again! I lost another 2 pounds this week, so I've now lost 42 pounds total. I want to loose weight to loose weight, but right now I want to loose weight to get a good distance from 200. I think about my ultimate goal, but then I think another 5 pounds past that so I have a buffer zone. I know I don't need to set an ultimate goal right now, just keep working on loosing weight.

Walks have become quite fun. Melanie and I were able to walk 3 times this week. Sage goes NUTS when Melanie pulls into the driveway. She knows that black vehicle means its time to go walking. I just wish she would quit pulling so hard on her leash.

A while back I bought some ankle weights, but then never used them. Last night I decided to start using them. I had to wear long socks, so they Velcro didn't rub sores, and I don't have a lot of long socks, so I had to change socks 3 times. And about half way on our walk, I had to adjust the weights a little bit. But overall, I liked them. I didn't feel like I had them on, for the most part. I did feel a little bit sorer last night then normal, but this morning I was fine so I think I'll keep walking with them on. Or maybe put them on Sage to try and slow her down.

I have a new favorite beverage I drink for breakfast. They are made by Bolthouse Farms and come in many different varieties. They are a little costly, but if I can find the bigger bottles, they will last me 2 or 3 days. Anything with Mango is my favorite. I was looking at their website today, and they even have a chocolate protein drink. If its as good as all their other beverages, I can't wait to try it.

Josh has banned me from wearing my old jeans. Apparently they make my butt look really saggy. Last week we met at IFA after work. He told me later, that when i walked in, he thought "wow, she is looking good." But then I turned around and he thought "eh, she needs to new pants, those look horrid on her."

I have a few pair of dress pants, but only one pair of jeans. So I went to the local clothing store and was able to find a few pairs of pants. I would've bought more, but apparently that store doesn't think they should carry sizes for short people. Grrr. So I'm off to the city this weekend to buy a few more pairs and see a friend.

Only 8 more pounds and then I am getting a hair makeover. :) It feels kind of far away, but that is the goal I made and I am going to stick to it.

Week 23 - Goodbye 40 pounds, HELLO ONE-DERLAND

AMAZING WEEK! So many highlights. I feel I am finally back on track. I weigh myself every morning, and yesterday the scale said 199.4. Hello One-derland. I've heard of you,but didn't know if we'd ever meet again. I wanted to celebrate, but when I think celebrate, I think of food, and I didn't want to reverse the scale. So instead I wore a cute skirt and top to work yesterday. Yes, you heard me right. I dressed up for work. And I felt great all day long. I think I might start wearing a dress once or twice a week. I have so many and 3 hours of church, once a week, is not enough to show them off.

This morning was my official weigh in day. The scale said 198.6. YEEHAW! I've now lost 40 pounds! Its been tough at times, and sometimes I didn't think I'd ever get under 200, but I finally did. It took 5 months and sometimes that seemed so long, but now it seems so short. I still haven't set an official final goal, but one of the goals I'm thinking of, I'm now halfway there. :) I told myself that this diet would probably take a year and it looks like I'm right on track so far.

I've been looking for a dress for several weeks now for an upcoming murder mystery party that one of my friends is throwing. My role is kind of a trashy gal, but I wanted to buy a nice enough dress that I could wear it again. I have looked and looked and looked. I've gone into several stores, but couldn't find anything I like. There were a few that I thought would do, but I didn't love, and when I saw the price tag, I knew I didn't like the dress THAT much.

Last Friday I went to the mall with my in-laws. When we walked past Mr. Mac I noticed a stand of dresses out front. I decided to try a few on. I grabbed 2 off the rack and found a dressing room. Neither dress fit, but there was a 3rd dress hanging in the dressing room. I looked at it and loved it, but it was a large. I didn't know if it would fit. IT DID! I now have a dress that doesn't have an "x" in the size. I did a short happy dance in the dressing room. The dress is black and I love it. I bought some red wedges to go with it. I got several compliments in church Sunday. :)

Exercising and I have finally made up. I've been able to walk with Melanie a few times and I love it. When I'm alone, I don't want to go as far, but with her we just gab and walk and gab and walk. So far we've gone 3 miles both times. Then the next night I had to walk alone because she had class. I thought about quitting at an earlier point, but then got after myself. I know I can walk the 3 miles! When I got to the turn around point, I decided to keep going. I turned and went up a pretty good sized hill. The walk took about 1-1/2 hours and I think its about 4 miles. I think I have found the distance that gets my dog tired. When we turned on the home stretch, she really slowed down and I almost tripped over her a few times. Usually she is jerking so hard I think she's going to rip my arm out.

I tried making my breakfast smoothies with skim milk instead of orange juice. I did NOT like it. I thought all of the add ins would drown out the skim milk, but it still tasted nasty. Then the next day, I didn't have time to make a smoothie, so instead I poured a bottle of orange juice from my fridge and took it to work. I took one big drink of it, and it had gone bad. NASTY. I was sick pretty much the rest of the day. But I'm glad I didn't make a smoothie, because I wonder if the nasty would have been so prominent. What if I had drinking the entire smoothie? I probably would've been deathly sick after that.

In case I haven't mentioned it, apples and cheese have become my favorite treat. I buy the cheddar cheese sticks. I take a bite of apple and then a bite out of the cheese in my other hand. I LOVE IT! My favorite apple is the Pink Crisps, but I haven't been able to find them for a while, so I haven't had the snack for a while. This week I was craving it so much, that I bought a different apple, I think Pink Lady. They are just about as good.

Oh and one last highlight, I punched a new hole in my belt this morning. I've now punched 4 new holes altogether and the excess of my belt wraps around my body 1/4 of the way. I know I need a new belt, I've been looking. But I just want a simple plain belt and apparently they don't make those anymore. :p

I've decided to get back on track with WW. I  haven't tracked my food, well, I'm not even sure. I think the end of June, maybe? But I'm going to try it one more time. Maybe if I can get back on track, I'll loose faster. Its nice to feel on fire about my diet and weight loss again.

Week 22

I just noticed I never blogged about week 22 and another week ends in a few days. Oops.

I guess that's because it was a boring week. But after blogging about week 21, I remembered something. Recently I went shopping at the Dress Barn and I can now shop on both sides of the store. I can fit in a few things on the Misses side, but its still a small selection for me, so I also still shop on the Woman's side also. The thing I was kind of sad to notice is that they don't carry a lot of the same things on each side. So its hard to see something I love on the plus side, but not be able to find it on the other side. But the other side has lots of fun stuff too so once I'm shopping on only that side, I won't know what I'm missing.

I have started back up with exercising. Boy, am I out of shape.

Week 21

Diet? Weight loss? More like SLACKER! I went up a pound this week. Time to get serious about this diet again. I'm so close to being under 200 lbs, why am I suddenly not working at my diet? I'd say "here's hoping for a better week," but I think my period will be here next week so I probably won't see any progress for 2 weeks. Yuck.

I need motivation.... I can't use clothes shopping because I've been on several shopping sprees lately, 2 of them were just 3 days apart.

Ok, here's my idea. I've been really thinking about going all blonde for a while now. I've decided that next time I get highlights, I'll ask for bigger chunks of blonde. I'll keep doing that until I can tell if I'll like myself blonde or not. I have a nail appointment today and was seriously thinking about seeing if they had an opening to color my hair. But I'll use that as a reward instead.

When I have lost 10 pounds from where I am right now, then I will get my hair colored. That should put me well enough under 200 lbs that I'll never see that number again. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me. Time to start eating better and start exercising again.

Week 20

I feel like my weight loss might be too boring to blog about each week, but each pound feels like a milestone to me so I think I'll keep blogging each week, even if there isn't anything to talk about.

This week was nothing special, and yet at the same time, its so close to being special. So first, the not so special, and by that I mean boring. I feel tons and tons better now that my gallbladder is gone, but I'm still not fully recovered enough to get back into heavy exercising. I MISS exercising! I want to walk the dog, go ride bikes with Mel and the boys, get out my Wii Biggest Loser Challenge. But the fact of the matter is, I'm still pretty tender on my insides. I did a simple job of not 20 feet the other day to catch up to a co-worker, and it hurt. She reminded me that even though my incisions look good, I'm still weak inside. I had surgery! They cut into my muscles and removed a part of me. I may be feeling better, but inside, I'm still healing. So for now, I'll continue to take it easy.

I didn't want to over extend myself, so I haven't done anything this week. In fact, the last time I exercised was July 3rd. :( Next week, I think I'll try to walk on my morning breaks again and see how I do. After this much time, I'll probably have to build back up my endurance anyways, so I might as well start small.

The almost special moment? I'm only half a pound from being under 200 pounds. So close! Actually, during my recovery, I did dip down that low. I think I lost about 8 pounds last week while I was still recovering. But I knew once I was back to myself, I would bounce up a little. Which I did, I gained back about 4 of those pounds. But I knew I would so I'm okay with it. At least I know that I can get below 200. I should be there next week. :)

Weight Watchers? Hm, I don't think I've been on their website at all this month. I was so sick that I was just in survival mode. Sleep was the most important thing. I ate just enough to get by. I'm not sure the last time I counted points. I feel out of habit. Even now, with me feeling so much better, I still haven't been on the website. And I'm not frantically pausing this post to go there either. Which makes me think, maybe I can do this on my own. WW has been great to teach me things and help me make better choices, but now I might feel ready to do it on my own.

I haven't fully decided. It is nice having their website when I want to look up things for nutritional value. And its only $17 a month, so its not like its going to break the bank. But I haven't been on this month, so why am I paying for it? I think I'll take some more time before I decide anything. Maybe try to recommit to the website and see if I can make it habit again.

My SIL just started WW and I'm super excited to not be the only one trying to loose weight. Which is another reason I want to be fully healed inside, I want to be her walking buddy. I'm trying to find a bike trailer so we can each take a boy when we go bike riding. I thought I had one found for free, but when I got it, it was a piece of crap. So I'll keep looking.

The comments are reallly starting to come in. I find it funny that guys at work on now noticing. They are so nervous to mention it. They must know to not a gal about her weight. My supervisor was really funny. He told me he didn't mean to pry, but was I loosing weight? He's been wanting to ask, but didn't dare because he knew women get touchy about that subject. But he figured since I'm looking so good, it was ok to ask. I love bragging to people how much weight I've lost so far so it always tickles me when someone notices.

I take monthly payments at work, so I only see people once a month, and a few of them have started to notice too. It always makes my day. :)

Today, I feel skinny. I know I'm not there yet, but I just feel good today. I feel good because the gallbaldder issue is resolved. I feel good because my hair is cute today. I feel good because I actually put on makeup today. I feel good because its time to cut another hole into my belt. I feel like I'm drowing in my pants and that makes me feel skinny. I love feeling this way. Go me!

Week 19

Should this week even really count? My gallbladder came out on Monday. Its so nice to have that gone! Even though, I am now stuck trying to recover from surgery. It hurts like heck to get up and down, especially from the couch or the bed. But once I get up, most times I feel ok.

I MISS exercising! But I know I'm not up for it right now. I walked outside and down the porch and the lawn to check  on Sage this morning. That was a lot of work for me. :( I want to be healed up and back up to par. Until then, I just keep reminding myself how bad those attacks were.

The scale has been all over the place this week. I started the week up a little, but am now down a bit. As of right now, I am less then 2 pounds away from "onederland". It feels like a small victory given how I feel. I'm worried that once I feel better I'll put weight back on.

I haven't been eating much. Tuesday was my best day. I was starving, so I ate some. But then Wednesday afternoon, my belly became upset and has been ever since. So now I'm eating just to make myself eat.

I'll try to see it for what it is. Yay, I'm down several more pounds, even if it hasn't been the healthiest way to loose weight. When I'm feeling better and eating more, I'll also feel good enough to exercise so hopefully I won't gain much (if any) back.

Week 18

This week is pretty much a blur. My gallbladder attacks are getting worse and becoming more frequent. I had 2 on Monday night. I was so tired at work, that I clocked out for 3 hours and went to my mom's house and slept. Then Tuesday night I had the worse attack so far. It hurt so bad, I wanted to just black out so I couldn't feel the pain. I have asked around and asked if I just went to the ER during these attacks, would they take it out there. Most likely, no. They'd keep me for the night and then maybe take it out the next day. I already can't afford all these test they insist on, let alone a night in the ER so I'll keep trying to suffer at home. This gallbladder has to come out!

Because I'm living on such little sleep each day, I haven't exercised in a while. I feel like I'm just in survival mode, and to go beyond that would push me over the limit. My day is, drag myself out of bed 15 mins before its time to head to work. Go to work. Take a nap during lunch instead of eating. Try to survive the rest of the day. Go home, eat a quick dinner. Then try to get a few hours sleep in before an attack can set in. They usually start about 1 AM and last until 2:30-3:30. When I do sleep, I don't think I sleep well because I'm so worried.

Last night I opted to sleep on the couch because that's the only place I can sleep once the attack starts. I didn't have one last night, so maybe it helped. But its not near as comfy as my bed. Even though I got a full nights sleep finally, I"m still dragging today. I just need time to sleep and catch up.

And because misery loves company, my period is here on top of all of this.

Bottom line, up one pound, but not that surprised about it given everything. Hopefully this next week will be better. My doctor is supposed to call me today and hopefully we can figure out how to make me feel better.

Week 17

Some highs and some lows this week. I've now lost 34 pounds! I'm just barely under 5 pounds away from hitting "onederland." So close!

Last weekend I did a little bit of clothes shopping. I went in the Dress Barn and without looking at styles, I just grabbed some pants to try on in size 16 and 14. I clapped in the dressing room when I got the size 14 on and buckled. They are still slightly tight, but a few pounds and they will be just right. Its my extra motiviation to keep working at this. I didn't buy as much as I would have liked because apparently they put their jeans away for summer and just sell shorts and capris. :p But they found one pair in the back that I liked. I also bought a few new pairs of dress slacks for work (I really needed those since my old ones don't have belt loopes). I also bought some new shirts. I asked the lady what sizes are on the women's side vs. the misses side. Size 12 seems to be the cut off point, so next time I should be able to shop on the other side of the store!!!!

Exercise has it hit or almost miss days. Some days I work out real good, and other days I'm lazy and just take a 15 minute walk during my morning break. But the lazy days could be contributed to my late night attacks.

Last week I mentioned the severe pain in the dead of night. It happened again on Monday night. It seemed more intense then the first one, but I went straight for my prescription pain pills and that seemed to shut it down faster. But at one point I was worried the pill wouldn't help because I felt like I was going to throw up. There is nothing in common between these two attacks. By that point, I was thinking it could be my gallbladder.

I was able to get into a doctor on Tuesday. He told me it is most likely my gallbladder. He told me to stay away from fats, grease, oils, (all of which are no problem) and diary products (that is a problem). I live on dairy! I have a yogurt in the morning. Usually a cheese stick with my lunch. And my dinner standby is cereal. I was pretty distraught, I cried while getting my car washed. I cried because I like milk. I cried because I don't want to cook at night when I'm tired and its just me. I cried because the pain is so bad during these attacks that I don't dare go to sleep at night.

The first thing they do to diagnose is an ultrasound of my gallbladder. I have to be fasting for this. And their next opening is a week away! A WEEK! Yesterday I called and asked if we could skip the ultrasound and do the 2nd test where they fill your gallbladder with dye and watch it drain. But they can't because if they skip the ultrasound, insurance might not pay for it.

I've already decided its coming out. I am not going to live my life like this. But I guess I have to prove to the insurance company its a problem first. I hope it doesn't take too long to jump through all their hoops and then be able to schedule an appointment that isn't weeks or months out.

To end my post in a happy note, I punched a new hole in my belt this morning. Its the 3rd one since I bought the belt.

Week 16

This was a better week. I got back into exercising and I know it really makes a difference. In fact, I reached one of my big goals last Friday. :) When I started walking Sage, I decided that by the end of summer, I wanted to be able to walk to the store and back. That's just about 3 miles. On Friday, my lawn mowers showed up. Sage wouldn't stop barking at them and it was driving me nuts. So I decided to take her for a walk. It would get my exercise in for the day and it would make her shut up. When we got to the end of the lane, I was feeling pretty good, so I turned up the road and decided to go to a turn off. When I got there, I still felt good, so we went on to the store! I was so proud of myself when we got there. I thought about going further, but realized I was quite far from home, so we turned around and headed home. It took me about an hour to walk to the store and back. But I don't think I'll do it again until I have a camel back, I got pretty thirsty. So did Sage, but each time I walked her up to the canal, she wouldn't stop to drink. There is too much to see and smell to stop for a drink. I was a bit sore for the next two days, but it was worth it.

Which kind of ties into last night. I got home from work and had about an hour before I had to leave to go to Preston's T-ball game. I knew if I went in the house, I would not exercise. When I went in the garage to get Sage a treat, I saw my bike. Without thinking about it, I jumped on and took off. I was still in my work clothes, but I had on decent enough shoes. I do need to take the water bottle holder thingy off, because my pants kept getting caught. Ten minutes later, I was at the store! I turned around to go home and learned that there is a slight grade ALL THE WAY back to my house. We live on a hill, but I thought it was flat until you hit that hill about a tenth of the mile from our home. Wow, it was a much harder ride going home. It took me just over 20 minutes, which made my total ride time 30 minutes.

I don't know if the bike ride is related, but last night I woke up with a TERRIBLE back ache. I was in tears it hurt so much. I think I was just sleeping in a bad position so I'm not giving up on bike riding yet. But if I ride again and the back ache comes back, I might have to give it up. I've never hurt so bad in my life. I didn't fall back asleep until about 4 so I'm the walking dead today. I took ibuprofen when it first woke meat 1:00, but at 3:30 I was still in severe pain, so I took a prescription drug. It finally kicked in about 4:00. I'm better this morning, but I can still feel pressure in the worst spot. If Josh had been home, I think I would have made him take me to the ER I hurt so bad. Course, if he had been home, he probably would have made me remember I had that prescription.

The other highlight of my week is that I'm getting a lot of comments. I've been getting them from the people who KNEW I was on WW, but now I'm getting them from people who had no idea. Totally makes my day each time someone ask if I'm loosing weight.

I'm only 6 pounds away from "onederland". I hope I can loose that in the next few weeks. I'm more determined to keep working hard now that it is so close. I've now lost just over 32 pounds, I'm so proud of myself. This week I wore shirts that I haven't worn in years.

Oh, and just for Heather, one night I actually cooked instead of eating cereal. I had chicken and roasted potatoes. I gotta say it, I missed my cereal. The chicken just didn't satisfy me. But I made plenty, so I had it for lunch the next day too.

Week 15

It was a pretty down week for me. I was busy most days and then tired most nights so I didn't get a lot of exercise in. But the good news is I'm holding steady at 31 pounds lost so far. This coming week shouldn't be as busy so I plan to jump right back into exercising.

I decided to hold off buying new clothes until I'm under 200 pounds. That should keep me motivated for now. I LOVE shopping for clothes and I think it will be even better this time because I'll be buying clothes a few sizes down. I'll be the girl laughing and crying happily in the dressing room. I'm trying to push for the end of this month, but since I didn't loose any this week it maybe be the first part of July instead. But even that doesn't feel that far away.

On WW they talk abut NSV (Non scale victories). I've really noticed those lately.

1- I seriously don't remember the last time I unbuttoned or unzip my pants. Course I still have to undo my belt, but I still love how loose my pants are.

2- When I'm adding payments at work on my 10 key calculator, I have to take off my ring. It slowly works down to my knuckle and spins if I leave it on and it gets in the way.

3- I got a bracelet for Christmas. It fit, but was a little tight. Its very loose now.

4- I can sit with my legs crossed at the knee! Its been years since I've done that. YEARS!

5- I can look down and finally my breasts stick out more then my belly. I still have a bit of belly to loose, but its slowly disappearing.

6- When the cash drawer at work pops out, it doesn't hit my legs.

7- Shirts that used to be too tight, aren't anymore. I can bend my elbows or twist my shoulders and not worry about them tearing. Not that they ever did tear, but that's the best way to explain it.

I'm sure I've noticed other things and each one is delight because I can tell all of my efforts are working.

Week 14

What a good week and it paid off. I'm now down 31 pounds! Squee!!

I tried to compromise and go back to how I was eating before. I don't want a full meal at dinner. I'm tired from working all day and by the time I get my exercising done, I'm too tired to care. I'm going to embrace the fact that I love cereal and not listen to anyone else.

Which also means, if I don't cook at night, there is no leftovers for lunch the next day. But I don't care. I enjoy my lettuce salad and carrot sticks. I've learned I don't like the baby carrots as much. I prefer to buy the big carrots, peel them and slice them. They are so much better! I also try to pack a few slices of cheese when I take salad for lunch and I've really enjoyed that.

I think regular Dr. Pepper and cheese are what I miss the most. I can still have the cheese (just in smaller portions then I used to), but I think I've said my final good bye to Dr. Pepper. I will MISS you! Those Diet Dr. Pepper commercials are lying. You CAN believe its diet and it tastes NOTHING like the regular. So I stick with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi. They still aren't as good, but they seem to hit the spot when I have a craving. Oh, and I was sad when I went into a gas station the other day. I wanted a diet Sprite, but they don't sell it there. So I left without buying anything. :(

I really kicked up my exercise this last week. There is even a few days where I walked on my work breaks, did some time on the exercise bike and then did a workout on the Wii. I just got the Biggest Loser Challenge Wii and I (mostly) love it. I think half the work out comes from moving the balance board a lot. "Move the balance board into position." "Move the balance board out of the way." I kind of wish that it would do all the exercises on the board, then move it and do the ones that don't use it. It also makes you move the Wii remote a lot, including your pockets, which my work out pants don't have. But then it probably wouldn't be as good a work out I guess. I've gotten good at moving it with just my feet. I love how it just cycles through a bunch of different stretches and exercises, etc. The only thing I don't like is when it makes you jump rope. I HATE that exercise. But I LOVE how at the end it just goes into a bunch of relaxing exercises that help you unwind.

I bought a shirt in a size large. WOW, I seriously can't remember the last time I bought a shirt that didn't have "x" in the size. Its still a little tight in my arms, but it hasn't stopped me from wearing it. I honestly can't tell you how much I weighed in high school, but I'm now basing my goal weight around a dress I wore to the Winter Ball my junior year. Its a size medium. I don't remember ever being any smaller then that so I guess I'll see where I am when I reach that point.

I'm so proud of myself. All week I've wanted to buy a Starburst candy bar in the break room, but I've resisted. Today I decided to reward myself for finally losing 30 pounds. I ate 4 pieces and then put it away. I think I'll have a few more pieces when I'm finally under 200, which really isn't that far away. Hopefully in a few weeks. :)

Week 13

I'm such a slacker! I forgot to blog about week 13 and week 14 starts tomorrow. I don't remember that much to report about. I did spend that week trying to use all of my daily points and I was miserable doing it. I felt like I over ate and then I didn't really loose much.

I love this time of year and all the fruits coming into season. I've had cherries a few times now, I forgot how much I LOVE fresh cherries!

Everything else I want to blog about is during week 14, so I'll do that in my next post. But let me say, I'm excited for my official weigh in tomorrow. I poked another new hole into my belt this morning. ;)

I walked Sage last night and I'm so proud of myself. In years past when I have walked down the lane, I have had to push myself. I would tell myself "just one more power pole." Then I'd turn around and cry because I had that much further to go to get back home.

Now that I'm in shape, I went the furthest I've ever gone before. And I didn't even think of complaining when I turned around to head back to the house. In fact, when we reached the house, I decided to go the rest of the way up the hill and then back to the house.

The only downfall to this walk, was the reminder that skunks LOVE our lane. Every year I see a few. Last night I spotted the first one of the season. :( And Sage wanted to chase it and I think it wanted to chase Sage. We were at the end of our walk so we made a sprint for the house, but then decided to finish going up the hill. Not thrilled that I'll have to start watching for skunks.

Oh, and you don't really walk Sage. She walks you and you run to catch up. I thought her tugging on her leash so hard was going to cut the circulation in my wrist. She has 2 speeds. Fast and Strain Your Shoulder
Fast. But she loves walks and now that I'm in shape and can go 20 feet without loosing my breathe, I really enjoy walks too. This summer I want to make it to the store and back once, just to say I did it.

I wonder what it takes to train for a 5K? Maybe I'll start working on that. And all this walking is only possible because of my Sketchers Shapes Up. Besides being out of shape, foot pain has kept me from walking for years. But my Shape Ups seem to give me the support my foot needs to it doesn't hurt.

Week 12

Sorry, this is a little late. Week 12 was fine. It was the start of week 13 that got to me. But first, week 12. Hmmm, the only thing I really remember is its fun to have weigh in day the day after the stomach flu. But even then, I knew it would be too good to be true. :p Once I got back on a regular eating schedule I went up, but just a little bit so its ok.

So the drama.... I still continue to have a love hate relationship with WW website. Last Thursday I decided to post on the message boards. I really REALLY want to loose 10 pounds within the next 3 weeks. I'm so close to be under 200 and I want that to happen SOON. So I posted that and got told to eat well and bump up my exercise. Ok, I can do that.

Then I got reading through other people post and I started to notice something. I am the ONLY person who doesn't use their weekly points and also the ONLY person that doesn't use their daily points. I have 33 points, and during the week days (aka, work days) I use like 20 of points. I didn't think it was a big deal. So I posted and asked "Do you really need to use all your daily points?" I also gave a brief description of how I do eat on work days. Breakfast: Smoothie Lunch: Lettuce & Carrots Dinner: Cereal. What a blood bath! I was in tears. EVERYONE thought I was insane. EVERYONE questioned my judgement and if I'm getting enough nutrients. And just about all of them were mean about it. Seriously, 40 comments in one lady said "hey guys, be nice or you'll scare her away."

She was right. They did. At that point I was chatting with my cousin in near tears. She struggled with anorexia and bulimia when she was younger, so I felt like I could better trust her opinion. In a much nicer way, she expressed some of the same concerns. Where do I get my protein? I then had to admit how dumb I am, I don't know what is rich in protein.That is why I eat a FRUIT smoothie for breakfast (with spinach), a VEGETABLE salad for lunch and cereal with MILK for dinner. No, I don't feel like I'm tired all day. No, I don't think I'm missing anything important. No, I don't feel like I'm starving between meals. But YES, I'm seeing the results I want.

She encouraged me to add some meat or cheese to my lunch. And maybe not eat cereal every night. On the message board, they kept chewing me out telling me that its just as hard/easy to cook for one as it is for several people. But I disagree. I do NOT like to cook for myself. It reminds me I'm cooking for just my self. I cook when Josh is home so he can have a decent meal. I'm perfectly fine with cereal. Shoot, that is when I have the hardest time with portion control.

But I'm still really struggling with this. I've been on this diet just over 2 months and I've already lost 26 pounds. I'm not going to complain about that. I don't want to change things. I started eating this way because I was stuck at 223, and I was sick of seeing that number on my scale day after day. I don't think I'm melting off the pounds, but I don't want to go back to slowly loosing just ONE pound every FEW weeks.

That night I was so guilt ridden I ate and entire box of mac n cheese. Then I felt so guilty about it. Apparently I still can eat when depressed. I want to listen to my friend because I do value her opinion. But then I think about all those meanies and I want to tell them they are just jealous and eat even less.

I did buy some sandwich fixing and I've eaten that a few nights instead. But I think I could get bored with sandwiches pretty quick. So I guess for now, the only thing I'm willing to change is I'm going to take have a few slices of cheese with my lunch and maybe I'll throw in a few more veggies like bell peppers or something. And I'll try to eat sandwiches for dinner instead of cereal. But I already know, that if I don't keep seeing these results, I'll just go back to what I was doing.

Which brings up a whole different issue. Those meanies kept telling me to quit dieting and just change my lifestyle. Apparently MY definition of diet is different then theirs. To me, a lifestyle change, at my current weight, would have meant, eating better just to not gain more weight. BUT, I want to loose a lot of weight so I DIET. I choose WW because I knew they would guide me along the way so I could make the lifestyle changes I will need so my diet works long time and I won't ever have to diet again. But NO, according to them a DIET is a quick fix and will never work.

I don't believe that. I am committed. I guess that can't see that online, but in my heart, I am committed.

Well, that is pretty much the update on Week 13 too, but I'll check again at the end of the week to finish up on week 13. This holiday weekend probably set me back so I'm going to work extra hard the next few days.

That shirt I didn't buy? Just ordered it online. I'm a little nervous because I ordered it in a size smaller then I probably am. But then I will be determined to loose the weight so I can wear it. Or maybe I'll be surprised and it will fit perfectly.

This weekend was hard. And I'm still having a hard time. I want to blow my diet and eat odd things, like Mac N Cheese. But, if I make Mac N Cheese, I'll eat the whole box because I only like it fresh. I think I need to find new safe foods, but I don't dare venture away from what is working for me.

I know I can't do it, but I really REALLY really want to loose 10 pounds in the next 3 weeks. Again, its just a vanity thing. But I really really REALLY want to do it. I want to look really good by then. Whether I do it or not though, I'm definitely going to buy a few new clothes before then. My pants are really starting to sag and I don't like how I look in them. I'll just try to stay to the basics with a few new jeans and a few work pants.

I've worked so hard on this diet, I'm glad I'm making such good progress. I just need to stick with it and swallow down the lettuce I bring for lunch eat day.

Week 11

Another awesome week. Some days I don't even feel like I'm a "diet" anymore, I've just learned to eat healthier. Right now, this diet doesn't feel tough, it feels do-able. And even exercise is becoming second nature. I think I've exercised every day for about 6 weeks now. Some days its just a quick 15 mins on my exercise bike, but other days its an hour on the exercise bike and then 30 more minutes of Wii Fit Plus. On days I don't exercise, I feel cruddy.

So the big news, I'm down 26 pounds! Wahoo! I didn't expect to do that well this week, but having the stomach flu helped. Although yuck, I don't want to make that a regular part of my diet. 26 pounds also marks that I have lost 10% of my starting weight. That feels HUGE to me.

The other exciting thing is I'm down almost 2 pant sizes.  I went shopping last weekend. I didn't buy much, but I still tried on pants. One size down was too big, but the next size down was a bit tight. I could get the button and zipper done up, but they were pretty uncomfortable. I only bought a shirt and then a couple of dresses. I think I'll try to get down to this next size and then maybe one more before I buy some new clothes. Some of my pants are pretty baggy, but I'm trying hard to not go on a wild shopping spree each time I loose a size. :p That is very hard for me to do. But I did buy a belt. It was a size too big, but it was the only one I liked, so I'll just punch holes in it myself.

I was so proud of myself while shopping. I've looked at a shirt a few times, but never bought it. Then once I get home, I wished I had bought it. When I saw it this weekend, I decided I was going to buy it this time. They only had 3 left, and they were all in the size I just grew out of. I tried it on (and still loved it), but I could tell it was a little big. I backed it around the store the whole time I was there. But at check out, I talked myself out of it. It doesn't make since to buy clothes in the size I just grew out of. There will be other cute shirts in other sizes. I asked if they had it in a smaller size, but they didn't. Gosh darn it, I really liked that shirt. Oh well.

I did learn that they say about 10 pounds is a pants size, so that makes sense. When I tried on the pants I was down about 22 pounds, so 2 sizes. So if that is correct for all of my diet, I hope to loose like 7 pant sizes. Wow, I still have a lot of work to do.

I have done better on tracking my eating and exercise, but I remember why I started to slack. Don't get me wrong, I love the Weight Watchers program, it has helped me so much. But, I HATE the website. I swear, half the time it doesn't work. I'll plug my info in and then hit save, but it doesn't ever save. If its going to work, it will save within 5 seconds. If its still trying after that, its not going to work. Sometimes I can log in and try again and it will work fine, but other times it still won't work. Grr. I just added all my info since Monday because up until now, each time I tried, it wouldn't save.

Sometimes I feel like I can't see a change. I look down and can still see my stomach sticking out. But I remind myself that my clothes are looser and the scale keeps going down, so I must be loosing weight. I just can't see it. I'm starting to wish I had done a before picture, but I HATE those. When you see before pictures, they are all frumpy. No make up, sometimes not nicely done hair, and frumpy clothes. Then 50-100 pounds later, they look amazing! Of course they do, they've lost weight. But I feel likes its wrong, because in the after picture, their hair is styled, they have on makeup and fabulous clothes. I know I'm fat. I know I'm overweight. But that doesn't make me ugly and frumpy. I try to look my best every day. I am pretty now and I will be just as pretty 50 pounds later.

Week 10

This wasn't my best week, but it was also far from a bad week, but I'm down a little bit more, so overall, I guess that means it was a good week. :)

I haven't tracked my food or activity since the end of April. So that is my goal this week, to track everything, everyday.

With Josh working full time, I'm still trying to figure out a new exercise schedule. For the most part, I'm riding my exercise bike when I get home from work. My bike needs a little more work and then I can ride it outside, when the winds not blowing. Which actually, I think we are hopefully FINALLY out of the windy season. I hope. My other goal this week is to buy a belt. I don't care for belts, but I need to do something and its that or new pants. I would LOVE new clothes, but I'm trying to resist until later in the diet. I can't afford to buy new clothes each time I drop a size. But I am going to have FUN shopping when I'm down to where I want to be.

Not much to report in the eating department. Josh is back to work and I don't like cooking for just myself. So most days its lettuce for lunch (because really, that's the only part of a salad I like), with sometimes carrot sticks. Then for dinner I have cereal. I'm still having smoothies for breakfast most days. I'm glad I'm not tired of them yet.

Changing my weigh in day to Thursday has helped so much. I'm sure once I start tracking again, I'll learn that I blow most of my weekly points during the weekend, but then since I eat so carefully during the week, it doesn't put me in a panic the day before weigh in.

Now I'm off to eat some watermelon. Its like a taste of summer. :)

Week 9

Wow, its hard to believe I've been on a diet for 2 months. I'm so proud of myself. I've wanted to diet for years and never thought I had what it takes, but now it looks like I do.

I'm holding steady at 20 pounds lost right now. But I'm excited about that because my period is here and last month I gained weight so I'm happy to be the same. The cravings have been bad lately, but I've been better at ignoring them.

I'm not doing well at tracking my stuff on Weight Watchers. I really need to recommit to that! I know I'm making healthy choices, but I really have no idea how many points I'm eating each day.

I'm really getting into exercise (another thing I'd never thought I'd get good at). Each day we get a 30 minutes lunch break, but we also get two 15 mins breaks. I've made myself go walk around the yard at work each break. The first few days were HARD. I thought riding my stationary bike would be enough to get me in shape, but I learned I am still out of shape. I walked with a few gals and one of them walks FAST and we walk to stay caught up to her. But I like the fast because then we have enough time to go around the yard and then circle the warehouse once more. One break, I ended up walking alone and at the end I made sure to get my arms swinging so it would work me out even more.

I'm not letting that be my only exercise though. I also try to get on my bike each day and then last night I even did my Wii fit for a while too. I feel better on days I exercise and I've come to hate it when I miss days. Who knew!

Josh is now back to work full time, which means nights alone for me. I'm trying to find the motivation to cook for one, but do it healthy.(aka, not resort to Mac n cheese, because I know I will eat the entire box.) So far, I've just had cereal for dinner. :p I'm trying to find a new pattern so I don't have to get up so early to exercise. Last night I rode my bike for 45 mins (and watched Desperate Housewives), then I did the Wii fit for about another 40 mins. So then it was almost 8 before I started to think about dinner. Hence the cereal. But if I don't cook, then I don't have left overs for lunch the next day. I'm starting to get bored with lettuce, I need to figure something out.

Keep it up me, I'm so proud of you. ;)

Each time I get discouraged, something lifts me up. A coworker just asked how my diet was going. She could tell I was doing well because she noticed my hips are getting smaller. That just made my day. :)

And the thought for the day is, "Americans have more food to eat then any other people and more diets to keep them from eating it." - unknown

Week 8

Today was my first weigh in day on a Thursday so that is why this week was so short.

I am feeling very BLAH about my diet right now. I found it hard to be motivated this week. I've struggled with the Easter candy that is laying around the house. I know Josh likes having sweets, so I don't want to get rid of it. But I also don't him to eat them all in 2 days because 1) That's not healthy and 2) then he would be out of sweets and complaining again. So I think I need to have him find a spot for the sweets that is where I can't see it.

I have had zero energy this week. Some days I have a sore throat, but that has been all, so I've decided its not a cold. Maybe its just irritated because the wind blows ALL.THE.TIME. We've gone to bed at a good time, like always, but I just couldn't get up in the mornings. I think I only exercised one morning this week. I made sure to exercise at night instead, but I don't know if it was as good a work out or not. I know Tuesday night wasn't, because I ate and then jumped on my bike and it unsettled my stomach. But at least I can say I haven't missed a day this week.

I continue to bounce around between 220 and 223. I HATE 223! Why can't I break away from it? If I eat a smoothie for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then cereal for dinner, I can loose the weight. But I can't live off of that diet plan for more then a few days. Once I break away from it, I'm right back up to 223.

I need to refocus and recommit to this diet. I have tons of reasons to loose this weight so I have no excuse.

Week 7

I've decided that 223 is my LEAST favorite number in the world. Anytime I drop below it, a few days later I'm back up to that. It has been like this for a few weeks now! I want to break away from this number and never see it again. Friday was my lowest point, 219.4, but then this morning, I was back up to 223. ARGH!

I did change my official weigh in day to Thursday. Besides this past Friday, Thursday is usually my best day. I'm hoping it will help motivate me. Its so hard to weigh in on Sunday and see I am in the same spot I was the Sunday before, and yet know that during the week, I had lower spots. I'm determined to hit at least 218 this week, because then i will have lost 20 pounds total so far.

Easter was okay, but also tough. Josh was amazing, he bought me a Wii fit plus and then instead of candy, he bought me sugar free pudding. I LOVE that man! But then his mom gave us a basket full of candy, which included some of my favorites! I tried to stay out of it, but kept finding myself picking at it.

I'm still doing really well on exercising. I think I've only missed a day or two this month. Josh goes back to work full time in a week. When he does, I might try to go back to exercising at night since dinner won't be cooked the second I walk in the door. I LOVE that he cooks dinner, but when its ready when I get home, we eat and then I don't exercise.

Surprisingly, the Metformin is treating me well. In one way its been good for me, because I'm determined to not miss a dose, which makes me remember to take my other pills too. I have taken every birth control pill for 2 weeks straight. I usually miss one or two a week. :p I've also not missed any of my spiro...... (long word) pills, so maybe if I keep it up and dont' miss them the week I don't take my bc, then I'll start to see results there.

I bought a new shirt this weekend. Its so hard to resist buying new clothes (its my weakness), so I only bought one shirt. I didn't try it on and I bought a size smaller. It fits, but now I'm wondering if I could have gone with a size smaller.

Since my new weigh in day is now Thursday (instead of Sunday) I'm not sure when I'll blog about my week. Monday seems to work for me, but I might have to start doing in on Friday while the week is still fresh on my mind.

I'm strongly considering changing my weigh in day to Thursday instead of Sunday. Thursday seems to be my very best day during the week, it shows that I have worked hared during the week days to stay on track. I weigh myself every morning and night (and often each time I pass the scale, I've become obsessed), but Thursday morning (and sometimes Friday morning) is when I'm the lowest. Then during the weekend I inch ever so slightly up. Come Sunday when I do my official weigh in on Weight Watchers, I may be lower then I was a week or two ago, but slightly higher then I was on Thursday. Which is probably one of the reasons I do so good during the week.

Yesterday I wore a pair of pants I haven't worn in a long time and they were comfortable. YAY! I was worried I didn't do well yesterday, but I'm down a few more tenths of a pound, so maybe I need to have more faith in myself. I didn't eat lunch until late (almost 3:00). I considered just skipping, but decided that was unwise. I'm trying to believe that it is better to eat small meals often, rather then skip and think that no calories is better. I know its a good idea, just hard for me to put into practice. Then for dinner I pigged out, but it was a light pizza instead of a regular pizza. That I can still eat pizza and loose weight is a big deal to me.

This morning I was a little worried because of the pizza and the candy bar that followed it. But I'm down to 219.4! Half a pound and I can say I've lost 20 pounds! That has me recommitted to eat good while at the family dinner tonight. We're meeting Dallon's girlfriend and I'm cooking dinner. Of course I'm cooking to impress, but that doesn't mean low calorie. Just a regular meal and a rich chocolate dessert. But because I'm so close, I'll be sure to exercise today, and every day this weekend, and eat a small portion. I'll try to eat slowly and enjoy every bite.

Week 6

This week went better. If I eat a smoothie in the morning and a salad for lunch and then have a light dinner, when I weigh the next morning I am down. At one point I hit 221. But I STARVE on that meal plan and once I eat a decent meal, I'm back up to 223. My goal is to hit 219 before my next weigh in so I can say I've lost 20 pounds.

I do well during the week, but I still struggle on the weekend. I know I'm not hungry, but I still get peckish all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I've got to figure something out to over come this. I ignore the peckish moments, but then when we eat lunch or dinner, I over eat. I think I need to keep myself busy, but its the weekend, my time to relax. But I'm determined to hit 219 so I'll stay strong this weekend!

On Friday, Josh and I ended up in the city, so we went to Chili's for lunch. I find it sad that there menu only has a few healthy items marked, and none of them were in the salad section. I tried a chicken dish and it was really good. I made sure to only eat half and then box up the rest for later. Poor Josh, he wanted to try a dessert, but I told him no. Its easier to tell him no before dessert then to tell myself no after the dessert is in front of me. It was hard enough not eating his fries (I only had 3 of those, wow I miss french fries).

Have you ever seen the commercial with a husband and wife. The wife talks about how they gained weight and decided to diet. It then shows the husband thinning out and the wife, well the only weight she looses is her boobs get smaller. Yep, that's true. Earlier this winter, I feel in love with a dress at the Dress Barn. I tried it on, and it swished my boobs, a lot. So I tried on a size larger hoping it would fit. It was still tight. So I didn't buy the dress. But then a few weeks later, I was in the Dress Barn again and decided to buy the dress. My reasoning was that church is only a few hours and I would survive.

I wore that dress for an interview last week. Not only does it fit, but it is quite loose. No wonder my belly and butt don't feel smaller, I'm loosing it all in my bust. I'm been quite disheartened by this. Hopefully they are done shrinking and now my belly will start shrinking.

I'm doing much better at exercise. I get on my exercise bike almost every day. I'm still getting up at 4 am most work days. Just yesterday, I decided to sleep in. When I got home, I told myself to exercise, but instead I sat down on the couch and didn't move until bedtime. So it defiantly works best for me to get up early.

I've become slack on using Weight Watchers Website. Half the time it won't save my info and I get mad. But I still eat small portions, so I think I'm okay.

I finally got back down to the weight I was a week ago. For some reason, I thought my low had been 224, so I thought that meant I had only gained a pound. But I got looking and there was one day that I weighed 223, so its like I gained 2 pounds. Grrr. So now I'm down 2 pounds, but can't celebrate because I'm too busy being mad over the fact that I lost those 2 pounds before.

Oh well, I knew there would be set backs. I'll just learn to be better. So far this week, all I've had for lunch is a salad. And by salad, I mean lettuce, carrots and sprouts. And not even the good sprouts, apparently only one store in town carries them. At least I don't like salad dressing, so I don't feel like I'm missing out there.

Last night we had Chicken Parmigiana Sandwiches for dinner. They are still my favorite thing we've made since I started my diet. :) I had one sandwich, and really wanted another one. But then I decided to have an ice cream bar instead. I bought a box of Weight Watchers and a box of Skinny Cow ice cream and they are both pretty good. Josh wanted to taste my chocolate one last night. I was enjoying every.single.bite, so I told him he could only have a slick, not a big bite. He said it tasted like real chocolate. And he's right, I can't even tell its diet ice cream. I also like just having a bar of ice cream, I think if I were to dish it up on my own, I would over do it.

Still exercising at 4:00 in the morning. I seem to do really well the first of the week, but by Wednesday I am drained. It was hard to get up this morning! But I reminded myself I have scrapbook group tonight,  so I wouldn't be home until late and probably not get any exercise in. So up I got. The last two days, I did treat myself to a diet soda pop, but not until the afternoon. Today, I had one opened before 8:00.

My next mini goal is 215, but I'll just be happy to get under 220 after struggling for the last week. You eat an elephant one bite at a time and loose weight one pound at a time. I can do this!

I'm seriously thinking about hanging one of my prom dresses where I can always see it, just to remind me I want to be skinny again. But that's probably a little over board. Maybe I'll just print out some pictures and hang those around the house instead.