Week 48

The disappointment just continues. At my heaviest this week, I was at 186, but I managed to get back down to 181. I don't know what it is, but the 180's make me feel fat. When I weigh in at 179 it doesn't bother me, but 181 makes me want to cry, even though its only a 2 pound difference.

I'm seriously thinking about rejoining Weight Watchers. I know that last pounds can be the hardest to loose, maybe I need some extra help. But I really didn't like their website and I love being able to tell people how I have done most of this journey on my own. I've had the same person ask me on FB three times what I've been doing. I keep telling her the same thing: eating better, eating less and lots of exercise. I sometimes wonder what she hopes I'll say. There is no magic pill... I think. Mostly, its just about controlling what you eat and being active.

So the no magic pill things. Ug, there is another source of frustration. Another FB friend keeps posting her weight loss and I swear it is falling off of her. It took me months to loose what she has lost in just the last few weeks. And she is being secretative about it. I haven't asked what she's doing, but when people do, she emails them privately. I'm really trying to not let it bother me. If she is doing a magic pill kind of thing, then most likely its just a temporary fix. The last 10 months has been long and hard, but I really feel that I have been able to form new habits which will make this a lifetime change, not just a quick fix.

At work, they have a contest where we keep track of our daily activity on a calender. We set our own goals and if we stick to it, then we turn the calendar in and go into a drawing for a little prize money. The goal can be what ever you want, but if you get over 20 hours a month, I think you get an extra tickets for the end of the year big prize. I'm not loosing weight to win the contest, but it does make a nice bonus to try and win money. So I faithfully fill my calendar out every day. Last month, my goal was 30 minutes a day, but most days I did at least 90 minutes or 2 hours. But I like the 30 minutes because on lazy days I still feel the pressure to at least walk on my two 15 minute breaks. Yesterday I turned my calendar in; I had 47-1/2 hours last month. I was 30 minutes short of saying I worked out for a total of 2 days last month.

And yet January was a hard month cause I keep slipping back up into those @#$#@%$ 180's. Another downer happened yesterday. I'm trying to get out of my exercise rut, I think my body is too used to me just riding my exercise bike and walking on breaks. So I put in my Wii Fit that I haven't used in months. Like months and months. It keeps track of your weight and I had lost 20+ pounds since I last used it. But the downer was it says I'm still in the obese range. Seriously!? Sure, the needle has moved from the top of that category to the bottom of it, but still? So I've decided the Wii is stupid and doesn't know anything. I suddenly can't remember the entire scale, but I know the next step down is overweight, which is what I think I should be in, not obese. 

So since I was feeling discouraged this morning, I thought I would take a picture and then find one to compare it to from a year ago. Ug, I was such a fattie! Which means when people tell me how good I am looking these days, I need to silence the voice in my head and agree with them. Not think about how much further I want to go. Just remember how far I have come.

I hate my fattie pictures. But I need a visual reminder.

Not sure if I should even include this picture because I am sucking in my stomach so hard. :p And my mirror is covered in hairspray.

So next time I want to cry over my weight loss slowing down so drastically, I'll just remember how far I have come. I really am a whole new person it feels like. And on a side note, this is the hairstyle I have loved the MOSTEST out of any hairstyles I've ever had before.